I've always been a fairly sensitive person.
For me, I think depression means that I tend to take things very seriously. Depression and Anxiety sometimes means that I don't pick up on when people are joking.
I can never tell if someone is being nice to me, or making a joke, or being funny, at my expense. I always missed sarcasm, but it became very apparent in New York, on vacation this summer.
We ate everything, we watched everything, We bought everything. We wanted to be a part of it. So we did our best to live in that city. To make the very most of it, we were meeting and interacting with as many local people as we could. It was wonderful, but local people would try to joke with me, and my partner had to explain over and over "April, He's just messing with you" or "she's just kidding'.
I guess Depression and Anxiety are different for everyone.
It's such a complex illness because your brain adapts to find your own personal worst memories, based on your own personal life experiences. Your irrational fears, It sits in your mind, almost like a second voice, hypothesizing how you may be treated badly, or what may happen in the future,
For me these insinuations are largely tied to negative ways I've been treated in my past. Fears of being treated badly again, quietly reminding you that anyone could do those awful things to you again, at any time.
You get so used to coping with feelings awful that you don't know how to relax.. Stuck in survival mode, looking for signs, and indications. Trying to protect yourself against threats that may hurt deeply, in ways that one might find very hard to forget or get past.
It sounds awful, I know. I can confirm that it is, in fact, no picnic.
Depression is a part of me that I cannot change, so I don't see why I have to feel bad about it, or feel pressure to turn it off to contend with other people. Throughout my life I have encountered countless rude people. friends, family members, coworkers, etc who are without manners. People who don't pay any attention to people around them so they have no regard or consideration for how they speak to people, or treat them. I always find these people abrasive and difficult to be around.
There is something ironic about meeting these rude, seemingly dysfunctional people.
There are always others, who will reaffirm your opinion/feelings about this person and their manner, Agree that they are harsh and abrasive, and have no people skills and reaffirm your feelings, so you feel like your not wrong, but the response is always the same. "it's how how he is" or "that's how she talks to everyone"
The assumption is, you have no option but to tolerate this painful interaction for the rest of your life, because this person is so flawed, and has been for so long that it is past the point of changing, or not viewed as a flaw that should be changed. People are instructed to adapt to this abrasive personality and behave accordingly.
Ok...I just have to ask. Why is it that nobody has to adapt to me, or the way that I am. Why aren't the rude people pressured to choose their words more carefully, or think before they speak, because other people (through no fault of their own) are more sensitive than others and can't help that being honest, and wearing their heart on their sleeve for a couple decades, has broken them a little bit.
Why is it that we have to adapt to you, but you never have to adapt to us, or the way that we feel. It's not a choice. Nobody chooses to be depressed. Anyone with actual depression, can tell you, they wouldn't with it on their worst enemy.
I don't want a special parking space. I don't want the government to pay me to stay home, and not work, for fear of the outside world. I'm very smart, and honest. I'm not lazy, and I work very hard. All I want is for people to be nicer to each other. be kinder. More understanding. Have an appreciation for the fact that people are soft hearted, and sensitive. I believe that being an intelligent human is being able to know when to be kind, and not being too insecure to be vulnerable. Stop viewing softness as a weakness, and recognize the gift that it is. It takes a lot of courage to be kind, have character, and put yourself out there, as a caring, giving human being, for the jerks of the world to mock
It takes way less effort, and humility to be one of the jerks.
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