I work this job. with these people who are kind of like me. and a few regular customers who enjoy my company, and being able to have a good, intelligent conversation. And I have one customer (/friend) that I adore. I'm going to call her Shirley because she's strong, and stubborn and protective. I very much admire her.
Shirley and her friends come to my bar at least once a week. They order food that int on the menu* and they drink tons of red wine and they think I'm adorable and smart and I think they're so clever and lovely, and they run up a huge tab and spend lots of money at the restaurant and tip me really well, and drive up my food costs so the kitchen kickback is higher. Everyone is happy.
*I didn't know that ordering food that isn't on the menu was something that made cooks upset. It really really does, but too an extend, I can totally understand why!
So yeah the girls come in, and we all call each other by name and its very friendly and we have a laugh. And at the end of the evening. every single evening. Shirley will bring up in some subtle way that she now plans to go for a walk (By herself, around midnight, downtown) and every week her friends get on her case about it, about how its not safe and how many women get assaulted and all those things and then Shirley insists shes not the kind of woman that gets targeted and they argue back and forth until they all decide to drop it.
I don't know if she ever actually goes for the walks or not. but the exact same exchange happens like clockwork. Last week I had heard it for the last time and though I was going to dive directly into the shallow end of my mental stability.I went over to the table. The girls are so enchanted by how small and quiet I am. its nothing that I do on purpose, I just don't make much noise. the girls were arguing about victimization of women and blah blah blah and I said
"I don't mean to interrupt. or stick my nose in where it doesn't belong. But I cant help overhearing and I don't hear you're friends trying to put limitations on you. I hear you're friends scared of what they'll do without you. and how much they don't want you to be at risk."
Deer. In. Headlights.
They were stunned. I was their Gandhi, and the problem was solved. They all left together in a cab. nobody walking nobody fighting.
Shirley didn't need to go for a walk, or put herself in danger to feel independent She just needed to know her friends cared about her. Maybe she never had any intention of going for a walk. Maybe that weekly boost of hearing how much her friends worry about her makes her feel loved.
Maybe that girlfriend who stands behind you through everything, need a pat on the back some times.or that boyfriend who will never let you carry the shopping bags when you go out together. Everyone likes to hear when people appreciate or care about them. So why are we all so hesitant to compliment someone???
This is a fun thing that The Scope does: I often write them, and I really enjoy reading them! Check out I SAW YOU for updates almost daily!
ACTIVITY TIME!
Count of one hand, five people that you think are totally awesome. Now this part is tricky so pay very close attention....TELL THEM! Tell your girlfriend, tell your man, tell the guy who makes your sub perfect, at subway, tell someone who holds the door for you at the mall, anyone who makes your day a little better, even in the tiniest way. Making other people smile is actually highly underrated. It makes you feel really great about yourself <3
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