Motivate Me.

Things aren't going as well as I would have hoped.
I'm not yet in a position to advance aspects of my life to a point where I want them to be. It's getting very difficult to be positive, because I've been given a few extra obstacles in the last year. Things I can't control or stop from happening.
That's probably one of the most frustrating things you can possibly go through. To know something makes you unhappy and still have to watch it happen to you, and live through it, with no real way of recovering the loss.
Maybe that's just another reason I'm really messed up, but sometimes people are too insecure and ignorant to know any better. Sometimes people do rude things like point out mistakes or flaws in other people, to feel good about themselves. Sometimes, people are just so unable to cope with life like everyone else, that they become very self centered and don't know when they are neglecting to treat people around them the ways we all deserve. People who are so unhappy with themselves that it makes them insecure and incapable of being happy for another person. Everyone has had that one friend or roommate that was just impossible to be around sometimes. If they are having a bad day everyone around them is too. Even if your having a good day, these people will belittle you and make you feel low. It's not their fault. They can't accept your happiness as anything other than a personal insult. Their happiness is all about themselves, so you need to make sure you're not wasting your happiness on someone who is just not worth it.
Sometimes we get so invested in something (a job, a relationship, a hobby, or a project) that we're motivated to work harder toward our own goals that we forget other people don't want to hear all about us all day long.
We all have a point and time when someone should take us aside and tell us that the world does not revolve around us.
I believe that we've become a society of self reflection. We all spend so much time in our own heads going over and over conversations that happen. and things that might happen. and what we will say if someone does something to us. Probably more so than all those we spend hours in our own heads saying all the things we wished we had. We all wish we were confident, direct and secure. So maybe we should all stop worrying about everyone else's downfalls, and realize that we need to work on ourselves.

Where have all the ladies gone?

This started as a Facebook post but I'm still irritated so it's spilling into being a blog rant.

The things I see on Facebook, and Twitter, and all over the internet, posted publicly for the whole world, is often absolutely shocking to me. I've seen young women, in my local community and all over the world, posting lingerie photos, as a display picture. Having boudoir photos taken* and posting them as an album on Facebook.

Is your self esteem so closely tied to Facebook Likes, and People paying attention to you, that you'll settle for Negative attention and compromising your integrity for it?

Surely even the most slow witted human being can grasp that degrading yourself for attention it's not a healthy thing to do. Even more irritating is when I see these girls complaining about having crushes on guys, and how lonely they are, and how guys are all jerks to them.  If you act like trash, and don't respect yourself. he's going to treat you like all other trash. Use you once and dispose of you as such. 

Maybe if you set the standards, you maintain for yourself a little higher, valued yourself and focused on being a good person with dignity and class, great guys would pick up on all those strong character traits and you'd meet someone who valued the things that make you happy.

I once had a guy friend tell me that any girl that is DTF in the first week is a great time, but she's never meet his mother. Ladies if you want guys to put you on a pedistle, why don't you act like you belong on one. Any intelligent person will realize if you gave it up that easily for them, that it's not your first, second, or third time around the block, and that's not a good look on anyone.

Now this is the part where these broads post pictures of them giving the finger, and saying they don't care what anyone things of them. Well sadly girls that is the truth, you don't care what anyone thinks of you. as long as their thinking about you. and that is truely depressing.

We can all tell how desperate you are for attention and you're embarrassing yourself. Is the attention you're getting really from the kind of people you want to be giving it to you? If you valued yourself enough, you wouldn't need any validation from the whole internet. You're own self worth would be enough to make you happy.

Now, go on and tell me again how you don't care what anyone thinks of you. I love that one. Try to maintain some dignity for Jesus sake, "ladies", you're making us look like idiots. Use your fucking brains.

Orange Leaves, and Hoodie Sleeves

I'm having a lot of trouble writing again. I suppose to don't really have that much to say. I've been working as much as possible and had a lovely, eventful Thanksgiving Weekend. (Canadian Thanksgiving, Obviously)

I've been working as much as possible and I'm finally seeing it pay off. I'm finally starting to get ahead, and the optimism it's given me is like being revived. For a long time I thought it was impossible to advance or get ahead. A lot of set backs had me very discouraged. But I'm getting there and it's a fantastic feeling. Making Headway. I'm starting to think that life is really all about the little things. I see retirement commercials telling me to spend my youth working all day every day so I can be rich when I'm 65 and falling apart. I don't see value in that. I think we should work hard some time and relax, play and enjoy our lives some time. I'd rather have a lifetime of memories when I'm 65. Not disposable income.
To be life is about all the stuff that happens in between. The Bar-B-Q's and Halloween parties and softball games and New Years. Life loses it's luster and excitement when you look at it like it's 75+ years. It's 39 000 000 Moments. The only determining factor is your own potential for happiness, and how you choose to remember all those moments.

This change on outlook has really helped me to keep things in prospective. This was a massive positive change that adds to my happiness and mental health.

Another exciting thing that has happened is that Friends of mine got engaged last weekend. and She asked me to be her maid of honor. I'm kind of a control freak, I really enjoy planning and organizing and designing and being very hands on in endeavors. This will be a challenge for me to not take over. But I'm very excited to do all the M.O.H. duties. I just don't really know what they are yet.

human facepalm

I was so impressed by you.

I wanted you to think that I was funny, or smart or clever and see something in me that you wanted. I've never had any issue attracting men. Men much more successful, better looking, smarter and a hell of a lot smoother than you. So why did I need you to like me so bad? you never even treated me very well, and sex with you allowed me to make many a grocery list in my head. You made no effort because you probably didn't care if I liked you or not. You loved you enough for both of us.
The worst part I was completely crushed when you wanted to stop seeing me, saying you gave it a shot and I just was not special.
Now, looking back on all of that I feel very stupid. I wasted so much time on you. Reading your stupid, masturbatory blog, and watching you ruin stand up shows, and bomb performances, out of laziness and a spoiled, self important attitude. You want all of the things your friends and family have, without having to give any respect, care, concern or work to get them. Life simply doesn't work that way.
You were a bad boyfriend, but I'm fairly sure that is because you are a spoiled, thoughtless, self centered person. I should be able to tie this into "you can't make a ho a housewife" somehow but I just can't seem to get there right now. One of these days maybe I'll edit this.

It's hilarious to see you anywhere in public, like this morning, desperately trying to act like you don't notice anything or anyone around you, even though you had the foresight to get as far away from me as possible and hide behind a rack of motor oil. Overkill much?
Much less is the fact that I actually paid attention to you, when you talked, and I understand that you wouldn't even know what to look for in an automotive section anywhere. Yet another flaw in your lack of a personality
The worst part about being really smart (government tested and proven "gifted intelligence" thank you very much) is when you see other people who really think they are. They never seem to have the intelligence to recognize courtesy, compassion or good manners as valuable things. Like being smart entitles you to being a rude, obnoxious jackass. In actually its an abundance of ignorance makes someone so uncouth and repulsive.* Not intelligence.
For a really long I thought about you. and obsessed about what was wrong with me. The only thing wrong with me is that I didn't walk away from you sooner then you made me. I didn't love myself enough to know you were a total waste of time. But now I do, so thank you for a lesson learned the hard way.

*There is nothing less attractive than rude, ignorant behavior. Joking at someone's expense, Correcting people in front of friends, or picking fights with other people around. You're a neanderthal and it's hideous. Stop cutting down others to make up for your own shortcoming. it's very transparent and pathetic.

Show Biz for a Minute

This isn't a usual blog post for me but I think it's important for both sides to be heard.
So by now, everyone has heard that Jim Carrey had some choice words to say about his own work, and the entire production of Kick Ass 2. It seems to me that in the wake of all of the violence in schools and the horrifyingly common shooting situations that have devastated the U.S. this year, Jim Carrey didn't feel right perpetuating violence in the media. That is, at least the way I understand it to be. I could be wrong. If you care enough, just Google it. Now Chloe Grace Mortez* is saying that she doesn't agree with Carrey. In an interview with Britain's The Sun, Moretz says that while she respects Carrey's decision to snub the film, she doesn't agree with the sentiment
*Mortez plays Hit Girl, again in the sequel. She's a great actor, and I think she's probably a great hit girl but some of her habits as an actor bug me. Also her Mask looks goofy.
I find by the end of the movie, I'm sick of looking at her stupid mask. She is an absolutely stunning girl. Downright breathtaking. Grace for days (too much Seinfeld this week. apologies..)
My point is, I could easily believe that it is an attempt for Hit Girl to be taken seriously, and not as some pathetic sexual icon. I completely respect that. I really hope that is why, but you could make her mask look smart and not sexy.
Every super hero should get to look cool. It's why everyone of us would love to be a super hero. She doesn't have to be over exposed but please please let her look cool. It is such a Bad-ass character. and actually pretty well written. I really enjoyed the first movie, minus Nick Cage*. Stop wasting such an awesome character in a distracting costume. Check out the entire interview at The Sun, and see what Mortez had to say about the film and her Co star in the film. It's pretty nice to see some class and intelligence returning to Hollywood.

http://www.itsadansworld.net/2010/09/united-by-style-marvel-takes-dc-to.html

*Nick Cage. who I honestly believe to be in some early stage of dementia. or some kind of life crisis? I don't really know. but I feel as though he's losing his mind.

happy ending?

So this may be the last post in my job search. I applied at a natural health food store and was basically given the job on the spot. A lovely woman owns the place and found herself pregnant and unable to work the foolish amount of hours that she puts into her store. As a pale kid who is allergic to outside, and a lot of things inside, this store is right up my alley. It's in a great strip mall with a lot of other interesting and unique shops, as well as right next to a coffee shop and a restaurant my friends and I often frequent. Is this the reward for the stress of how my corperate headache ended? or some divine being guiding me to somewhere I will be truly happy? Who knows. But in the fall Denise is going to have a beautiful baby, and no time to work at the store, and I hope to fall into place as her replacement, and make her proud by adding to the value of her store and her client base.

I really have to say this store has everything. Along with acupuncture (a friend of mine swears by this, so im trying out her girl) I am looking at treating my anxiety naturally, and getting off of all medication except my claritin (again, about the allergies). They have great animal products that they cannot keep on the shelves, as well as cooking and food items. Lots of natural shampoos and cleansers and vitamin and health suppliments for just about every ailment. I already learned that Black Cherry is really good for gout! and I was only there for an hour. After my official interview, I ended up staying there to chat with Denise. She's a lovely, warm, easy going woman. Very comforting to be around. Adorably pregnant. This is the polar opposite of the experience I had while working for a big aggressive sales company, and I absolutely love it. I'm not sad that I took that chance. I got a provincial certification that I will always have. I can always go back to doing that if I want to. But at this point in my life I really really don't want to. The future is looking a lot more optimistic. My ear infection is (very) slowly going away and I can almost hear out of my left ear again. So that's exciting, and I get to go watch softball tonight! everything is coming up Millhouse!

stand by your man(ipulation)

I don't understand how the concept of avoiding responsibility is anything but disgusting and pathetic. If you don't want to take responsibility for something that you've done, it is obviously because
YOU KNOW ITS A SHITTY THING TO DO,
if your actions are something that you don't want anyone to know you're doing, then why do it?!
I'm not saying we should all be in church or living this amazing morally sound path. humans by our very nature are flawed. We all make mistakes, but taking responsibility for those mistakes is how we learn, grow and progress as a species. Taking any accountability out of the equation causes us to regress and become stagnant. I have such a bleak outlook on my generation, and the ones that follow us.
All the good found in the invention of the magical internet and our global village is sadly far outweighed by the negativity that comes from lacking the moral fiber, intelligence and basic humanity necessary to utilize it in the most efficient way.
I added an app called Honesty Box to my Facebook when I was in University. I thought this was an amazing tool. There were people that I had a lo of respect and admiration for and I liked that I could let people know how awesome they were without it being about me. So if i knew someone in my class was having a bad day, I'l write an anonymous message to show them that someone noticed how hard they worked, or what a good person they were. But all anyone else used it for was to hate on people. I was so disappointed at the mean and hateful messages left for me. Nothing good or positive just people being needlessly rude, or idiot guys trying to be sketchy (I was in a relationship at the time, but they didn't seem to be bothered by that)
years later I added the app again, to try once more as an adult. THIS time the guy I was dating at the time tried using it to bait me. sending me messages about me being hot, and saying how it was too bad I had a boyfriend. Trying to set me up, or catch me doing something that I've never done in my life. Granted, that person had a lot of issues and I still wonder about him today and if he is any happier, but people come into your life, and leave again, for a reason. So I choose to chalk it up to an awful, awful experience that taught me a lot in a very short year.
I guess the point of this rant is to express how bleak our future is if we continue to use anonymity as a tool for negativity, to feed insecurity, instead of building others up or doing good. No actions are justifiable if they hurt someone else, and your not willing to man up and admit responsibility, and It's not really a good deed if your not willing to do it without getting credit.

Ask.fm. The final part of this conversation Trilogy :)

Cool. thanks again for the lengthy and thoughtful replies. I'd like to talk more in person (we see each and speak occasionally downtown) but I'm awkward and all that lame jazz. maybe some day hopefully some day I can become more like what I see in you that I don't see in myself

please don't glorify me trust me (and the people i've dated! lol) I am as flawed as individuals get. But I'm trying. I think thats the important thing. if we all want to move forward then there is nothing stopping us :) take care! see you around

Birthday Present! Thank you Twisted Sister!

my birthday present from boyfriend. It's so awesome. I love it!!! He knows I love Twisted Sister Boutique

Ask:fm (bit of a rant. grab some coffee)

I really like how you express yourself and that you live the values that you write about. However I also find it intimidating. I often find myself intimidated by people of strong value, and find myself asking questions like "am I the type of person that they consider awful'. What advice do you have for somebody who is insecure in such a way and feels they are never "good enough" for someone like you?


First of all, please let me say thank you for such kind words. It seems that you put a lot of pressure on yourself, and it makes me sad to read that, because I believe that every person has value. It's just a matter of their ability to see it. It's pretty clear to me that you have trouble seeing it a lot of the time.
Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves, and be happy. The first thing that I did was assess how I treated people. I paid attention to people's reactions to me, things I did that were confrontational, or self serving. Nobody intends to do it. But we all do, so we all need to check ourselves (as gangsters with street cred such as myself, often say) and make sure that we aren't being a self centered jackass who only things about what they want.....sry that got away from me there.. See. I'm just as bitter and bitchy as anyone else from time to time. We're all just humans.

You don't have to be intimidated by anybody, because everyone is equal. really, you only view them as better, because you don't value yourself properly. I, personally don't consider anyone to be awful, unless they have done something to me, or someone close to me, to warrant my thinking so. I will never ever go out of my way to say anything rude to anyone. In fact, If i don't like someone, I probably just don't speak to them. Because I don't want anything to do with them. If you're someone that I think is awful, than your probably someone who was in my life, but is no longer. so don't sweat it. I promise I don't think about anyone who has had any negative impact on myself or my loved ones. You sound as though you're someone who is still around my extended circle (or being an internet creep. but I hope not) though, so please feel free to message me and talk anytime

Shopping tips for Cars, Shopping online and buying in St. John's!

I've been distracted. I bought a new car this week. Buying a new car takes a surprising amount of time, and hustling. I'm so street that it wasn't an issue but here are some tips for buying a new car

1. Don't commit to anything.
2. Be honest. Don't try to play games or have a bidding war. thats just stupid
3. When you find a car that you like, Get a print out of your estimate.
4. Do not commit to anything. Tell your salesmen that you have some research to do and you need time to think about it
5. Show your estimate to EVERYONE. I brought mine to my dad, my boyfriend and a friend who's dad is a car salesmen. All people who knew far more about buying new cars than me.
6. Tell your salesmen the truth. For me it went a lot like this. But I'm an actor and over dramatic so it was practically work-shopped first...
"Well i brought my estimate to some people who were more knowledgeable than i am, and they seemed to think it was really high. I have a problem now because I really love this car, but knowing there are more affordable ones out there, that would budget better, puts me in a tough place"

The car started out being 27, 000 paid over 7 years at 2% financing.. I paid 24, 008, over 5 years with 0% financing by the time I drove my new car home. but like I said. I'm a hustler
I also got $500 off the actual car price, and a $500 gas card from North Atlantic/Petrol Canada.

More Shopping tips! Buying online is nothing to be scared of. but no matter where you buy, big or expensive purchases can be very intimidating. Here are some general tips I've learned along the way

1. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS KNOWING YOU DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING!!!
The internet is an amazingly powerful tool. WHEN BUYING ANYTHING you should research the hell out of it. Use Google, use Ask.com, and any other site that has a search bar!
2. Look for Consumer reviews. Websites like Angie's List and Amazon Canada has a lot of customer reviews. If there is anywhere that passive aggressive hate will be shared. it's usually pretty clear in reviews to pick up on trends.
HOWEVER
One person complaining or giving something a bad rating doesn't mean its bad. It means that person wasn't satisfied. If you've ever worked customer service in your life you know what idiots leave a store, and go home to rant like a big man, on the internet. If you see a lot of people complaining about an issue, it may be a problem.

3. Compare brands and read labels. DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
Marketing is designed to be deceiving in some cases, for companies to remain competitive, and salespeople are paid via commission. they are working for you, so don't let them bully you. Be direct and don't be rushed into buying anything. It's their job to get you excited about your product so you cant say no. It's your job to get them excited about the sale, so they can't say no. Their time is an investment they have to make. This is coming from a salesperson. I sell life insurance and I do very well. But there are people who do a lot better, by being a lot less honest. I'm happy to take the pay cut and have integrity.

the last thing I have to share is that this salesperson, who sold me my vehicle was very very good. His name is Tom, at Hickman Motors on Kenmount Road on St. John's NL. He put me in a beautiful new Chevy Sonic with all the features I wanted and I left with a great price, for a great term and a very satisfying experience. I also have $100 Chevrolet gift cards available for anyone in the market for a new car, that you plan on buying at Hickman. Great service and amazing customer attention. I'm easy to contact, but I think I only have 3-5 tags for the giftcard!

Everything In It's Place

In a lot of ways it helps economy to have a local scene. Bars pay Bands. Bargoers like to see Cover Bands or a certain genre of music. Therefore there is a place for every person, and every genre and as long as there is an audience for your art, then you will be successful. If you do not have an audience. you need a new plan. It's just that simple. Performing music is not about yourself. You want an audience to come and enjoy your music. Doesn't that immediately make it about what THEY want to see. You can't make people like you. You can make music that they want to listen to. I don't get why this is so hard for people to understand. The perfect most ideal situation in music is making music that you love that is accepted and celebrated by other people. The more the better. But this is not the most common situation. Bands get upset when nobody comes to their shows. You're choosing to make noise that they don't want to listen to. That's what it comes down to. They don't make you listen to shit that you don't want to. You know how that whiny friend who is always negative and complaining and having a pity party. nobody likes being around that friend. So don't be that friend.

Make Way for Queen Bambi!

So I wanted to take a few minutes to talk about a new business in St. John's/online. A friend of mine has started Queen Bambi Boutique. This shop is essentially me in a nutshell. Pretty flower and cute animal accessories and Zombie Apocalypse goodness. I've reserved my copy of The Rise Of The General, A fantastic addition to The Walking Dead comic book series, for those who are fans of the comics or television show.
Queen Bambi is a modern day collage of things. I love these kind of shops because you simply never know what you are going to find there. Original pieces that your friends will covet, and you will love showing off.
The other thing I love about Queen Bambi, is the tons of gift ideas. If I see something and I don't immediately want it for myself, it;s because i know it will make an amazing gift to perfectly suit a friend or lovde ones personality or individual style. Serious Check out this shop! and Like them on Facebook today!

CHECK OUT QUEEN BAMBI BOUTIQUE RIGHT NOW!! 
quantities are limited and this is your opportunity to score original pieces your friends (and strangers) will wish they found first!!

Mine! but if you hurry you can secure a copy too!!

Lots of really awesome things for lots of different people. Ahh diversity. what a beautiful thing :)

Deciding where to build your own ceiling

I realized recently that I want to build and design my own home. really really badly. In an earlier post I talked about wanting money and security and all of those things, and I think what really happened is that I grew up a little bit recently. I've gotten better at loving myself, and thus I decided on goals that will give me the level of comfort in my life that I deserve. At some point, that I simply cannot put my finger on, I matured, and wanted to be an adult. I stopped being scared that I was missing everything. I wanted the world for myself, and felt motivation to improve my life for nothing other than my own happiness. The hardest step you will ever have to take in any endeavor is the first one. Nothing will ever be more difficult than that. So at some point we all just have to (wo)man up and view the world (as well as ourselves), through the more life experienced adults we all become. There is no point in being upset about getting older. We all do. Want to stay looking young. Smoking and Stress are the two most common causes of aged skin. So relax. Respect everyone. Especially yourself. Be healthy and decide which path you want to be on, then just live and let live. It's the easiest way to stay young forever.

Also Ask me anything at HundredThousandMistakes and Like hindsight. on Facebook

Seriously.

So I made a horrifying discovery today.
I logged on to ask.fm to check my questions and share with some people.
I asked (anonymously) for everyone to share their best friend's best trait. and then to share the 3 things they were most proud of about themselves.
Not a single person had a single good thing to say about themselves.
Not a single thing they were proud of.
That is absolutely heartbreaking. Everyone, especially young people, NEED to have something to be proud of. We need to show the people in our lives that they are important, and that they have things going for them. I'm legitimately sad that nobody on ask.fm is proud of themselves. I truly believe that every single human being is beautiful in their own way. Everyone has something to offer that nobody else does. The only thing sadder than feeling as though you don't have anything, is seeing girls who feel that their body is the one thing that they DO have to offer.
I got a question that asked what I would like to change. I would like to change the way women view themselves. I would like to give them self respect and show them the beauty in everyone so nobody ever has to say "good qualities about myself? I dunno" that is the saddest response I've ever gotten. and I will never forget it. I am however determined to change it.

Here Comes The Sun

So I went for a little adventure on Sunday, to visit some friends. I took some pictures with my Blackberry

My dream house. If this place had a two car driveway I would be hounding the owners to sell it to me.

 The camera is not the greatest but with lots of natural, strong light around it takes some pretty nice photos.

Check out the whole photo set on Facebook and Like the Hindsight Facebook Page today!

Gower Street. 

<3 April

You probably think this rant is about you

If you've ever catered to a self involved friend, been the adult for your own parent, dated a man child, or had some other person thrust their responsibilities/need onto you you may appreciate this rant. I've needed to get it off my chest for a long time.

We are all responsible for our own happiness. Every human being has the same needs for happiness.
Most of us work very hard, for a long time, and go through a lot of shitty things, and do a lot of jobs we hate, and miss fun nights out making memories with our friends, because we are adults and we have jobs, and it's not the end of the world if we miss one hangover. Not in a legitimate pursuit of happiness.
Most of us go through post secondary education of some kind, because we know we have to put that work in, just like everyone else if we want a more comfortable life down the road.
Most of us have had our heart broken, Been betrayed by someone who meant a lot to us. Some of us struggle with security issues because of poorly handled issues in our past, and still, we carry on in search of love, and companionship and someone to spend our lives with. Looking for that perfect person that you can completely be yourself with for the rest of your life.

So how is it that the self important, juvenile, insecurity ridden, neanderthal still walks the earth? How does one human being manage to slip through that many cracks? We have all experienced one of these people. They thrive on negativity as a means of boosting their ego.

Eg. Girls who weigh less than mannequins saying they are fat, just so people will reassure them that they are beautiful and perfect. Now don't get you're Birkenstock's in a twist, ladies, I'm fully aware of psychological illnesses which give women altered perceptions about how they do/should look. I'm not an idiot. but neither are you. We all know at least one of these girls.
It doesn't make them the scum of the earth. They need to take pride in something and they feel their looks are their strongest assets. I would want to make a person like that feel really smart, so they would take pride in their brain.
Another brutal example is the partner who has trust issues, because his first girlfriend ever cheated on him and he never got over it. Or because her best friend stole her boyfriend so all girls are bitches. Or the guy who tells women that all women cheat and lie and all that disrespectful bullshit.*
That guy hating on his girlfriend and saying she's going to leave him, might be terrified that she is going to find someone better, may he is scared that she'll laugh at him, so he will say he doesn't care if she does, so he'll be winning...somehow?
Maybe that girl is really scared of being mistreated by women, so she guards herself. As if calling yourself a bitch doesn't hurt just as much as someone else saying it to/about you. But if she says it first, and they think that she doesn't care, then maybe nobody will think she's a bitch at all. Maybe they will respect that she thinks for herself and doesn't have any time for fake bullshit, and see what a nice person she is. Or maybe they'll just call her a bitch. Who knows really.
That guy just wants security to know nobody is going to take advantage of him. and that girl wants to have something to take pride in. Something that she really cares about, and takes seriously. To do some good, and have some fun.

*Girls, if you are staying with someone who speaks to you with disrespect, you're just as stupid and ignorant as your redneck/skeet dude boyfriend. Enabling him is not going to make it better. People rarely change on their own. They generally have to lose the things most dear to them to realize what they are doing to the people around them.

Everyone needs something to be proud of. Confidence is a vital need for every single person. Not to be confused with arrogance, a confident person is self assured and comfortable. Open to debate in which new ideas may be exchanged and adopted. The way our whole world moves forward.
If you don't have something that brings you happiness and stress release, then what is the point of living? Find something that makes you happy. Something positive, not drinking or drugs, because that's what you see on tv, and it's dramatic and will make people worry about you. . Grow up and face the issues that make you unhappy like an adult. Everyone deserves to be happy. and we're all responsible for ourselves.

V Day

 Ok, So im fully aware of my short comings (bahahaha comings) flaws as a blogger. But it is V Day after all and I had some errands to run. Also boyfriend is going on mini tour tomorrow so I had to get some supplies for a weekend of having the house to myself. Crunchits. Noodle Cups, the regular. I've been trying to play all the Walking Dead games on xbox, but I've been distracted by trying to establish a grown up life with a grown up paycheck. 

Trust me, it's just as boring as it sounds. I'd much prefer to be high and playing video games. But that is the goal isn't it? Work hard, not have any fun, for a long time, so that you can have fun on your own terms and it won't cost you anything a little later. 

I find it really hard to justify going on trips and buying expensive things right now. Mainly because I, as well as most of my friends cannot afford to. Not that we don't overindulge like anyone else.

Living beyond my means and poorly managing money have been monumental flaws ever since I was 16 years old. I always worked. Never asked for money from my parents or anything. I've actually had a lot of jobs where I made really good money...I could just never seem to hang onto it ha ha

This is all digression. Valentines day is why I'm writing this. V Day should not be about couples. It should be about love and kindness. Seeing the lady at Sobey's, and how her face lit up, when I asked where she got her hair colored, was excellent! I'm not coloring my hair anytime soon. but that isn't the point. I didn't ask for myself. I asked to show her that I noticed and thought it was a beautiful coloring job (it really was. great cut too) she told me that she had it done a week ago and her friends didn't even notice, only her boyfriend did. When I left she had a huge smile on her face. THAT is what February 14th is to me. It should be a day for us all to be a little nicer to each other. Not to expect presents and waste money and set expectations for all the people around us. Whether you love Vday or hate it, just shut up and be nice. Hold the door open for someone. I paid for the dude behind me in the mcd's drive through. He only had a coffee and a snack wrap. it wasn't that big of a deal. I didn't even stay to see his face when the clerk told him. But maybe he paid for the person behind him. or maybe that clerk was inspired to shovel his neighbors driveway? That's what it's all about. Kindness is contagious. But some of us have to start. I hope this post will inspire someone else. Share with me the nice things you've done for people today! and the things people have done for you!

Stitches (Pt2)

Maybe it's only the people who mourn the loss and move on that are truly happy. After awhile it just gets harder to stay so sad and hurt. Especially when someone is working so hard to win you over again. Then again, sometimes, the person doesn't care to win you over again. So maybe I'm full of shit and this is all just a valuable lesson in Barking Up The Wrong Tree, or maybe it's a lesson in Flogging A Dead Horse...gross.
One of the few universal truth of relationships!
You can be in love with whomever you please, but don't assume anyone owes you anything for that if they do not reciprocate your feelings. It sucks. But it is, what it is. Stop dwelling on what you want to work. you'll never find where you're meant to be happy. I'm sure in high school you thought you were in love with a Pierce too, and on some level we were. We were as "in love" as our capacity for human emotion would allow. Maybe becoming more mature and growing up is about figuring out how to love, and who to spend your life with. Your heart should always be twice as full as you're wallet, after all. :)

the F word

I don't know why I even have a Facebook (F word. see what I did there?). For the most part it just makes me angry because a lot of people are really thoughtless, and for the most part, they couldn't find any Class or Tact, if they had a map.
A friend of mine made a statement (on a post, made by a band I follow) showing his support. He posted that he had his tickets to their upcoming show. I did the same, seemed like a nice, positive thing to do. Less than five minutes later his girlfriend charms her way into the conversation, to correct him stating that she had purchased his ticket for him.

Little gestures of disregard like this make me so angry. Emasculating, or belittling someone who means a lot to you. It's f**king stupid. I want to shout at them, "Do you have any idea what you mean to that person? You're so lucky and you're ruining it all on your own."
I hate that I have a button like that, that causes me to over react but realistically we all do.
I furiously typed out a post to share after I read her emasculating, rude comment. being reminded of all the things that could annoy one about this specific broad specimen person.
"wow. that's cool. How nice of you, Chang. He would probably lose his balls anyway, it's better that you hold onto them i suppose."

Ugg...What a dame.The small, corner of my brain that controls reason, caused me to debate for 5 minutes, but inevitably, delete my harsh words, and take to the almighty blog instead.

When did the unspoken loyalty between friends disappear? Or the maturity to treat your loved one with respect, and help build them up, rather than make jokes at their expense and embarrass them. These are small gestures, you may think don't matter, or things you dismiss, saying,"well he never mentioned it after", or "if she was mad I would know for sure"

Not everyone is the same. I, for one do not want to live in a world where "If I wasn't happy I wouldn't be here" is acceptable. or "I love you, until further notice" is the attitude taken toward someone you care about
I worry that the world is becoming too cold. Romance and Love are all but dead in a world that revolves around money and self preservation.