Season's Greetings. Some Simple things to keep in mind.

Season's Greetings

There seems to be some confusion. I hear people when I'm out shopping, or when at work, at a variety of places over the years, and more often than not it's proudly and loudly sworn,

“I WILL say 'Merry Christmas'!, or “Canada is a Free Country, and I can say whatever I believe, whenever I believe it”, or some variation of these declaration. Other people complain that they “have” to say 'Happy Holidays' at their job or public gathering place so as not to offend anyone, because we're all so concerned with political correctness. This may or may not be an issue with our society, that is absolutely worth looking at. I don't think it's a good excuse for claiming that your arm has been twisted, over the matter. How old do we have to get before “peer pressure” becomes legitimately unflattering?

Here is the thing, though..

If you're a Christian, or any other faith for that matter, and you want to offer kind words to another person, why not make more of an effort to be extra nice and polite at the grocery store, or saying goodbye to a particularly great server, at a restaurant.

Generally being attentive and nice for any number of reasons, are great, for spreading holiday cheer, and lightening the mood of the people in your community.

But this is where it gets tricky.

It has nothing to do with you.

You do have the right to say whatever you want. Holding your own beliefs, and having the opportunity to celebrate your beliefs, is exactly what makes Canada so amazing for everyone.

But Kindness is not about you. It's about the person your being kind too. So really your beliefs don't matter in this particular situation.

So what if you are choosing to do something kind, for someone around you, and you don't know what faith they celebrate, or how to choose your words to honour it. Isn't it simply courteous to show your kindness, along with your concern for their feelings, and your respect, by simply saying 'Have a Great Weekend!', or 'Happy Holiday's'.

How does it take away from your own personal beliefs, or devalue the way you celebrate the season, to show enough respect and humility, to be able to wish the best for anyone who might cross your path, regardless of their race, belief or the colour of their skin. This is no more right, than not understanding why the video below is shared with this blog post.

Gossip Folk

I'd like to say that I will never understand people that need to gossip, and pass around negativity.
But I do.
Insecurity is a powerful thing. I can completely understand how someone in a position that they are not happy in, has to work so hard at cutting other people down, and doing awful things to them.
It's sad, and a little messed up.
Instead of bettering yourself, which takes actual work, and a lot of character, I do completely understand how someone with not a lot going for them, would pass on doing that work, and concentrate on bringing someone they're intimidated by, down to their level.
It's easier. and Lord knows The Worthless hate work, or taking responsibility for themselves.
Except it doesn't really work out.
When people continue to pass you by, while you stay in the same dead end space, trolling and hating, it's hard to see all the flaws in them, and not pick up on the flaws in the person with nothing going for them, continuously running their mouth, or looking for things to gossip about.
It's truly depressing that our generation has such little self worth. Maybe if they'd had a better life, or better parents, or more discipline, or even more importance put on education or character, they would chose the (obviously) more enlightened path.
Maybe they wouldn't act like worthless wastes of space, until that's all anyone thought of, at the mention of their name.
If your unhappy in your life, change it. It isn't anyone's problem but yours
If you've had a rough childhood, or someone was mean to you, get the fuck over yourself. your not special.
I would say that 95% of people have not had a perfect life. Your just like everyone else, except everyone else is smart enough, and strong enough to deal with their shit, and not let it dictate their lives. I occasionally go out to see a band I like, and it kills me, that you can walk into at least four different bars downtown, and all the same bar rats from 5 years ago are still there. I may go to a bar once or twice a month, and I see the same faces, except now they look much sadder, and weathered. Still telling me all about their new band, as if it's not exactly the same as their last shitty band that isn't going anywhere. Every. Single, Time, While most of us moved on, grew up, and got on with the progress of our lives, and I'm not talking about staff. or bar owners. clearly they would sustain a business.
I mean the people with nothing else to do, nowhere else to be, than sitting at a bar, or home on their computer, shooting shit and generally being a worthless hater.
People who watch their friends grow up, move on, find relationships, healthy routines and mature with their life, and just move on to the next slightly younger/dumber group of friends. Then they evolve past you, and you stay where you are, waiting for new people who don't know your tired, pathetic game yet.
I feel bad for these people. Clearly they are not living up to any kind of potential whatsoever, so their defensive. The thing they need to realize is, they don't have to defend themselves. Because nobody is even talking about them, People who only breed negativity, label themselves so the rest of society soon realizes they are counter productive, and forgets all about them. The only time these people get mentioned, is in the piteous tone, of understanding, and sadness that people like this exist.

Less Time Online. More Time in Real Life.

I've been away from this for a little bit of time. I'd like to say that I missed it but I've hardly even noticed that I wasn't writing. I've been wondering why I started this, in the first place. What need it was meeting for me to bother to do it. I don't enjoy social media.

I really dislike Facebook, and keep Twitter for local news and support for local business and networking. I don't use any other social media. I don't use Instagram, SnapChat, Pintrest, or even Facebook Messenger. I'm sure there are far more social media outlets that are very popular, I just can't think of any off the top of my head. The Internet is now a very overwhelming place to exist.

So why do I need this pathetic little place to voice my opinions, where (between few and zero) people can read them and understand me? I'm still at a loss for why if anyone reads any of the things I say, despite views and exposure referenced in my "Blogger Insights", but it's protected risk taking. 

Like calling some guy out, from behind your large, violent friend, I may as well be shouting from inside a panic room, in space.

To argue on the internet seems to be such a tiny victory for one's self esteem, or shots taken at an already fragile ego. 

Many would have to agree that the ability to feel good about yourself, and confidently live your life on your own terms is important thing for everyone to have, however getting behind a computer screen, with a spell check, and the whole internet to make you look like an expert, we all get too brave.

A lot of people hold such specific and rigid views and ideals (NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!) that their emotions are tied very closely to things they care about. When things we care about are threatened, we all go into fight or flight mode.

The internet strips debate down to its BORING bare bones.

All you have are words and punctuation. 

Despite all the feelings you put into what you say, The thoughts and metaphors and carefully chosen words and language, internet lacks the ability to display voice, eye contact, gestures, tone of the voice, speaking the words your reading on a computer screen. It's just data. without all the tools of language, you may as well be reading and processing binary code.

What is even worse than our choices for a method of debate, is the fact that despite the intention of someone communicating all of that to us, we fail to read it as the person we are talking to. 

We read it in our own offended, sometimes too defensive voice. When we're arguing with another faceless humanoid, that we  have no emotional connection to, our responsibilities to think before we speak, and show have respect for one another are gone because this relationship is fleeting. its not a person you have any investment in, or something that is in our life. 

Arguing with the people in our lives is more difficult. what if they leave? What if you hurt their feelings, and cant take it back? what if you change this relationship, forever? we do a lot more thinking before we speak, when we care about the words we use.

If we all got off the internet and resumed living in real life, we would see the world a lot differently and our interactions with each other would be much more positive and productive. 

I feel like our society being so vain, and insecure has a lot to do with our new antisocial internet lifestyle. I can't decide which one I think is the metaphorical Chicken and which one is The Egg. 

I don't know why I continue to contribute to this blog and the lifestyle I'm criticizing. I do know, that I am in no way perfect. Aren't we all really just looking for other people to connect with? I don't believe that people want to fight. I believe people want to be understood. They want to be validated, and secure that their version of happiness isn't being threatened. To find others like us to share a version of happiness with. SO shouldn't we all get off the internet and take a more hands on approach to our happiness?

Where have all the ladies gone?

This started as a Facebook post but I'm still irritated so it's spilling into being a blog rant.

The things I see on Facebook, and Twitter, and all over the internet, posted publicly for the whole world, is often absolutely shocking to me. I've seen young women, in my local community and all over the world, posting lingerie photos, as a display picture. Having boudoir photos taken* and posting them as an album on Facebook.

Is your self esteem so closely tied to Facebook Likes, and People paying attention to you, that you'll settle for Negative attention and compromising your integrity for it?

Surely even the most slow witted human being can grasp that degrading yourself for attention it's not a healthy thing to do. Even more irritating is when I see these girls complaining about having crushes on guys, and how lonely they are, and how guys are all jerks to them.  If you act like trash, and don't respect yourself. he's going to treat you like all other trash. Use you once and dispose of you as such. 

Maybe if you set the standards, you maintain for yourself a little higher, valued yourself and focused on being a good person with dignity and class, great guys would pick up on all those strong character traits and you'd meet someone who valued the things that make you happy.

I once had a guy friend tell me that any girl that is DTF in the first week is a great time, but she's never meet his mother. Ladies if you want guys to put you on a pedistle, why don't you act like you belong on one. Any intelligent person will realize if you gave it up that easily for them, that it's not your first, second, or third time around the block, and that's not a good look on anyone.

Now this is the part where these broads post pictures of them giving the finger, and saying they don't care what anyone things of them. Well sadly girls that is the truth, you don't care what anyone thinks of you. as long as their thinking about you. and that is truely depressing.

We can all tell how desperate you are for attention and you're embarrassing yourself. Is the attention you're getting really from the kind of people you want to be giving it to you? If you valued yourself enough, you wouldn't need any validation from the whole internet. You're own self worth would be enough to make you happy.

Now, go on and tell me again how you don't care what anyone thinks of you. I love that one. Try to maintain some dignity for Jesus sake, "ladies", you're making us look like idiots. Use your fucking brains.

Ask.FM Traffic

Anon Question: "What advice would you give to guys who want to try and know a pretty lady intimately,mentally and physically, without coming off too aggressive, or too passive"

#HTM: First of all, Be Honest. Look at the situation objectively. Is this person in a relationship already? Do you think that they share your feelings? Do you really know them or are you just too excited about a little crush? Be mature and up front with her. She deserves to know your feelings but its not up to her to make you happy. Sometimes things work out better than you had hoped. But sometimes it doesn't work out at all the way you want, and all you can do is get over it and move on, in search of happiness for yourself.

Orange Leaves, and Hoodie Sleeves

I'm having a lot of trouble writing again. I suppose to don't really have that much to say. I've been working as much as possible and had a lovely, eventful Thanksgiving Weekend. (Canadian Thanksgiving, Obviously)

I've been working as much as possible and I'm finally seeing it pay off. I'm finally starting to get ahead, and the optimism it's given me is like being revived. For a long time I thought it was impossible to advance or get ahead. A lot of set backs had me very discouraged. But I'm getting there and it's a fantastic feeling. Making Headway. I'm starting to think that life is really all about the little things. I see retirement commercials telling me to spend my youth working all day every day so I can be rich when I'm 65 and falling apart. I don't see value in that. I think we should work hard some time and relax, play and enjoy our lives some time. I'd rather have a lifetime of memories when I'm 65. Not disposable income.
To be life is about all the stuff that happens in between. The Bar-B-Q's and Halloween parties and softball games and New Years. Life loses it's luster and excitement when you look at it like it's 75+ years. It's 39 000 000 Moments. The only determining factor is your own potential for happiness, and how you choose to remember all those moments.

This change on outlook has really helped me to keep things in prospective. This was a massive positive change that adds to my happiness and mental health.

Another exciting thing that has happened is that Friends of mine got engaged last weekend. and She asked me to be her maid of honor. I'm kind of a control freak, I really enjoy planning and organizing and designing and being very hands on in endeavors. This will be a challenge for me to not take over. But I'm very excited to do all the M.O.H. duties. I just don't really know what they are yet.

50 shades of rage

I am so infuriated by the society I live in sometimes. women in my society seem to think it's ok to objectify men like they are pieces of meat and then complain about over sexualized women in the media.
People who are so insecure that they worry their partner will be looking elsewhere. It's not about equality for them. It's about ego. How can you possibly hump the furniture over the guy from Republic Of Doyle, then get offended at anyone doing the exact same thing, and keep a straight face?
But you're suppose to be mad about the inequality of it all. Not happy that you get to do it too? There's a select type of person who refers to themselves as a feminist. Except they have no idea what their fighting for. They just need the conflict and excitement in their lives to be happy. These people

This situation gets even worse. Everyone has access to everyone else. Everyone can use Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. The anonymity makes people too bold, and forgetful that the entire world is watching and judging them.There are ridiculous people all over the internet. I picture it looking like a zombie horde just roaming the country side in the wake of the Apocalypse, casually hunting. A friend of my boyfriend's once tweeted "The simple fact you "can" is not meant to be a sign that you "should"." I'm paraphrasing of course, but I thought he had made a very good point. That kind of moral censorship seems to be void in our society.

But media outlets such as Radio and Television Stations and  are egging them on. (99.1)HitsFM posted a photo of an over-sexualized, shirtless Alan Hawco, on their Facebook page, and asked fans if they had any questions for him to answer while he would be in their studio. The comments are horrifying to say the least. about half of them are shamelessly throwing themselves at him in the most desperate, pathetic ways.  I'm not saying the man isn't good looking or people should like him. I happen to think he's a pretty good actor and the couple of times I've met him and his lovely wife, they are downright sweet people.
 I just think the media should have a responsibility in the kind of behavior they reward, target, and incite. This was irresponsible and inappropriate for a company that wants to be taken seriously and respected for it's content. You get what you give. and if you're shoveling trash out,  you've got to expect to get some back.

Artistic Process

I thought I missed acting.
So I decided to audition for a play. I got the part I wanted. Nothing too serious. not too much pressure. but still quite challenging for me personally.
I love the play. I love my part, but rehearsal becomes tedious at the end of the week. Actors are often very insecure people. They need a lot of praise and attention and take "creative feedback" in weird and unpredictable ways. It's unbelievably tedious to be in a room full of people so much like myself.
In a lot of ways I'm freaking awesome. But I have a lot of flaws that I don't realize, until they irritate me about somebody else. I feel as though this probably makes me an awful person but I am who I am and I can't change that. Being in a room with with a few different things you hate about yourself for 3 hours at a time is daunting. Being the target of obnoxious, ignorant ego makes it kind of worse.

I still like the play a lot. and it's nice to see some friends that I used to work with when I was involved with a lot of this stuff. But after working a long day on my feet, making few tips on $13 Breakfasts Specials*, I don't want to go to a room where I know there will be an insecure, obnoxious, attention-starved, really, really sad person. It's not an environment I would choose to be in, if not for the obligation. But I can't stop acting because of the people in that whole social deal. It's just such a shame that it's such a small scene in our city that the same people will always be around.

I feel as though I was going somewhere with all of this. Or maybe I just had to vent the frustration of a good day that got better then ending in a crappy way. It's disappointing really.

Also, non of them are fans of Seinfeld. They don't get a single hilariously well times Seinfeld reference that I make. I don't have any other really strong ways of communicating with people. So my hands are a little tied here. How can I exist in their world? Being an actor for me is like when the paralyzed soldier in Avatar, gets in the tube to be a blue thing and have a different life. Probably more like an Animorph actually. Where if I stay as an actor for too long I have to stay that way. Also if you don't know what the Animorph's are you have a lot of reading to do.

* This is not to say that I have an issue with the tippers, or the breakfast crowd. Some of my favorite regulars are brunch on Saturday and Sunday. It's just not as expensive as other meals. Most people tip on a percentage of 10%-20% of their bill. So obviously if the bill is less the tip is less.

Born Wrong

I very much think that I was born in the wrong body. I was not meant to live in a woman's body. I have no idea about social norms. I can't relate to anyone ever. I now believe that I was supposed to be born a house cat. 

My cat's don't give a shit about anything. They walk on whatever they want. They don't give a fuck if anyone notices them, or is mad at them. They don't care about breaking things or destroying anything. I can't decide if I believe they have the capacity for malicious activity or reactions. But they probably do. and no matter what you can't stay mad at them for more than a couple days. It's impossible. No matter how many mistakes they make.

I think I should have been born as one of these furry, adorable, life ruining monsters. So being a person is very different and difficult for me. I think that rather than figuring out who I am, I'm learning all the kind of people I don't want to be. 

I think I expected this to me a much bigger thought then it ended up being. I do know that as a human being 

I have the day off, a bowl of yummy herb pasta, some video games to play and a little grass to assist the old attention span*. Now I attempt to enjoy some much needed time alone while I get back to my smithing in Whiterun :)

*Mild ADHD, combined with SAD and moderate depression. My head is a broken playground. smoking grass helps better than all the meds I've been prescribed over the years with exponentially less side effects. I'm actually very hopeful that it will be legalized in the next few years. That will make my life, health and prescriptions much much easier to manage.

a tiny amount of growth maybe

Yesterday was a very interesting day for me.
I should back up a little. I recently accepted a role in a community theatre version of August: Osage County. which I am very excited about. It's a very well written play and the director seems to really know her stuff. I'm very optimistic.

So yesterday I get an email that is CC'd to the entire cast. and I notice some names on the list I've worked with before a couple friends and people that I think are really great actors.  One of the names however is one of the most insufferable old bitches I've ever had the unfortunate luck of meeting.
Now a very short time ago, this would have ruined my entire day. Knowing that I'd have to spend a lot of my free time with people who's had a negative impact on my life. but yesterday it didn't seem to bother me so much.

So I go to work and the charming little girl who I mentioned as my Manager (From the Insurance Company, in an earlier post called Day One) For any one who won't bother to check back, I wrote to her trying to set up a meeting to return my things and resign. She wrote me back firing me on the spot, without letting me leave on my own. It was very unfair and hurtful but proved that I didn't want to be the kind of person that likes selling Life Insurance to senior citizens on fixed incomes, Or is really good at it. It takes a shitty person to do business that way. Someone who actually claimed to be dead inside with no conscience. What a gift, to be so self aware, at such a young age.

Anyway the Ice Queen comes to the counter, with her fake insurance sales smile and says
"Hey Missus! Haven't seen you in ages. You're working here now are you??"
I had to walk away to get change for a guy, but was very happy to leave before I burst into laughter The last thing she said to me was that I was fired. via text message. This class act is so simple that she can't even remember a couple of months ago.

I couldn't help but find it funny that she was legitimately pretending nothing happened and was acting as though we were old friends.

"haven't seen you in ages"
of course you haven't seen me? I tried to sit down with you and you fired me. Where would you see me?

Later the same day, I go out to eat at a new restaurant, downtown. One of the few people that I will never ever speak to again, is sitting 4 tables away staring at me, not unlike the slow-witted Goldfish, while I eat, my broccoli. Again, this would have ruined my mood a couple of years ago. But I looked up and said "well...it's just raining bitches today" and we laughed and went about our date.

Now generally a day that is just teeming with unintelligent, hurt filled people would have sent me home to cry in my bed. I've come to realize that throughout my life, females in my life have betrayed me, abused me and disregarded and disrespected me as a person. While I know it's unreasonable like everyone else, I cannot change or help my feelings.

I'm afraid of girls.

This day, however I thought it was so funny. What are the odds of three awful people in one day? I feel like that may be a little progress, however shallow of inconsequential it may be to anyone else. Other people don't affect my happiness anymore. At least they affect it a lot less.

Bookmark Added.

I just came upon what I think is a fascinating discovery. In very broad terms, this is what happens in every single fight I've ever had with the opposite sex.

I'm pissed off. and even though I'm an intelligent human being who is fully aware that I'm being insecure and am probably blatantly wrong, I don't want the blame right away.
At the moment, that I am mad, I want to feel like it is not my fault. and that everyone sucks except me. It doesn't matter what the issue is. Shut up, I know that was a yield sign. I already feel stupid. I know my friend will be my friend again in an hour. Right now it will make me feel better to hear someone else confirming that She's wrong and I'm right.

I think I realized that we don't need you to fix it. You want to fix it because in your boy brain, that seems to be the best thing to do. As far as instincts go, I personally think it's endearing to want to save or or fix something. But, in reality, when you do try to fix it, it makes us feel like we can't do it ourselves and some of us don't like that, so we get defensive, but you can't figure out why because you're just trying to help.
In our own languages, we both know whats wrong, we just have different ways of helping each other.

Now if only I understood men, this whole puzzle will be a little easier...

Chris Rock know's what I'm talking about

Show Biz for a Minute

This isn't a usual blog post for me but I think it's important for both sides to be heard.
So by now, everyone has heard that Jim Carrey had some choice words to say about his own work, and the entire production of Kick Ass 2. It seems to me that in the wake of all of the violence in schools and the horrifyingly common shooting situations that have devastated the U.S. this year, Jim Carrey didn't feel right perpetuating violence in the media. That is, at least the way I understand it to be. I could be wrong. If you care enough, just Google it. Now Chloe Grace Mortez* is saying that she doesn't agree with Carrey. In an interview with Britain's The Sun, Moretz says that while she respects Carrey's decision to snub the film, she doesn't agree with the sentiment
*Mortez plays Hit Girl, again in the sequel. She's a great actor, and I think she's probably a great hit girl but some of her habits as an actor bug me. Also her Mask looks goofy.
I find by the end of the movie, I'm sick of looking at her stupid mask. She is an absolutely stunning girl. Downright breathtaking. Grace for days (too much Seinfeld this week. apologies..)
My point is, I could easily believe that it is an attempt for Hit Girl to be taken seriously, and not as some pathetic sexual icon. I completely respect that. I really hope that is why, but you could make her mask look smart and not sexy.
Every super hero should get to look cool. It's why everyone of us would love to be a super hero. She doesn't have to be over exposed but please please let her look cool. It is such a Bad-ass character. and actually pretty well written. I really enjoyed the first movie, minus Nick Cage*. Stop wasting such an awesome character in a distracting costume. Check out the entire interview at The Sun, and see what Mortez had to say about the film and her Co star in the film. It's pretty nice to see some class and intelligence returning to Hollywood.

http://www.itsadansworld.net/2010/09/united-by-style-marvel-takes-dc-to.html

*Nick Cage. who I honestly believe to be in some early stage of dementia. or some kind of life crisis? I don't really know. but I feel as though he's losing his mind.

The Authority On Everything

So I've been having a rough week. Working a lot in a very warm restaurant. I love the summer, especially in Newfoundland. If you've never been to St. John's, NL I strongly suggest you find a week to spend here. I'm so in love with where I live. All the culture and food and nature and history. It's an amazing place. The thing about depression though is how good or bad anything is going around you has absolutely no bearing on your mental health. You could have a seemingly perfect life and be completely unhappy with yourself, and the last thing anyone should ever do, is give their two cents on someone else's situation. 

Seriously.

I'm so sick of being told what is wrong with me, or what I need to do, or having my feelings downgraded by someone ignorant enough to assume its a competition and they have to win. I'm in serious danger of punching a know it all, mouth piece, directly in said mouth, the next time one tries to tell me all about what I'm going through. The worst part is these people are so oblivious to how ignorant they're being. they seem to feel perfectly justified in assuming they know anything about someone else.
My favorite part is when they are so obviously completely full of it. A friend of mine coined this kind of person as an "Authority on Everything" and I can't think of a better description. 

My favorite is when they tell a story and blatantly make up really specific details that no person would ever tell them. It's easy to pick up on habits and patterns like this, because this person is constantly telling foolish stories and anyone (not just people with OCD like myself) can pick up on the patterns.
It's funny how much someone's language and body language change when they are lying. To me this just says that even they know they are full of it, and they are so desperate to seem genuine that they try to add credibility. It's so painfully obvious. As a general rule, if you make shit up, most intelligent adults can tell and are probably mocking you for it behind your back, if not to your face. So knock it off.

That wasn't even the point of this post, but I had to vent. If you don't think you know anyone like this. You are probably one of these people, and you are irritating everyone who has to be around you. If you were secure enough with yourself and being who you are, you wouldn't be trying so hard to prove who you were to anyone else. So come to terms with the fact that you are not as smart as you think you are, because everyone around you already knows. trust me. Your constant correcting of people and complete lack of social graces are speaking for themselves every time you insist on overpowering every conversation anyone tries to have with you.
That really turned into me being a mean girl. I don't like that. But I know a couple people who I hope read this and realize. but they probably wont.

Ask.fm

What’s wrong with the world?

I believe that the world is filled with fear and ignorance, and not enough understanding. It's nothing unnatural, just a sign of the past really, but I believe its everyone's job to overcome it. i also firmly believe that war and fighting are the worst possible ways of achieving this.We don't all have a gun. But we all have a voice, a heart and a brain, that all work to operate a mouth. Do or Do Not. There is no Try.

This is the one that starts a war

We all went to school with a girl we felt sorry for. A girl who was much too friendly with guys, and thought it was am empowering thing to enjoy confrontational drama with other girls. The girl who relished in being "The Bitch", and didn't care that being promiscuous caused everyone to talk about her negatively.  as long as they were talking about her at all.
It was always a little sad to me that this girl felt she had nothing more valuable to offer.  Dressing in a provocative way, and trying to act the way you think adults act, is the most obvious and childish thing that a young person can do, and it's so obvious because it is in no way, how actual adults behave. it's the way that teens in love with the glamour image of adulthood, THINK adults behave.
Sex is not difficult. Anyone can do it. It doesn't take any education. It isn't something to be proud of. So when I see a girl behaving this way, I don't understand why she can't take pride in her brain, or an ability, or something that requires some effort to be good at.
Some girls have a passion for music, or art. They learn every word, and every song. A lot of them learn to play instruments and make their own music. I believe that any artistic ability is a gift that should be nurtured  Lots of girls Make beautiful art. A dear friend of mine is the most amazing designer. She makes clothing, does interior decorating, and takes stunning photos, of herself and everything else that inspires her. She's not someone who needs to behave negatively, or dress provocatively to get attention. The things in her life that allow her to express herself give her confidence, and security with herself. THAT is something worth bragging about. A healthy version of self worth that nobody else can affect. I can promise you, that when she is alone, she feels just as good about herself as when she's in a room full of people, because her happiness and self worth don't depend on other people. THAT is something hat I envy in a person. That's something that I haven't really figured out yet. Just like a lot of other people.
Soo girls, i have to say this. Stop trying to grow up. When I was younger, these "questionable women" were 16, and it was shocking how young that was. Now girls are trying to mature to the level of a grown woman, at 11 and 12 years old. I beg you to respect yourself. I'm nobody's mother. It's not my place to tell anyone what to do. But all I want is for you girls to realize your value. Find something in your life that you can feel proud of. Everyone deserves pride. We all need it, But don't lower yourself to such a devastating level. It doesn't do anything for you. Well that isn't true. A lot of girls will tell you that making bad decisions and not respecting yourself will make you feel like less of a person at the end of the day. I can't imagine willingly doing that to myself, and the people in my life that care for me. We're all flawed human beings. nobody is perfect, So we all have the task of keeping ourselves in check. Not being perfect is no excuse for not living the best life that you can. You're responsible for your own happiness. Taking responsibility for ourselves is one of the hardest things that we all have to do. But we do.

Confessions of a Drama Queen

Moving is a fate I would not wish on my worst enemy. While I was studying theatre, I moved my entire life to a different town of this province more than 19 times, and one trip back and forth to England. Afterwards I went on to allow poor decisions made about Defunct relationships, to move me  into and out of 3 different houses in St. John's. and Today I had to do I again.
I hate it. It's such a huge endeavor that I can't start anywhere. It makes me sleepy and stressed out just to think about it. It's overwhelming. I spend so much time trying to help people*, but this is one of the few things that is still able to virtually paralyze me. I can't seem to get my head around it at all. Now THAT is adding to my moving stress. Stressing about why I get so stressed about moving. To paraphase one of my most loved television characters of all time. "For I am April. Lord of the Broken People"

*I choose to view life as a road, that we all travel down, at different speeds and times, and sometimes we hit a pothole and it fucked up our car and we learn a difficult lesson. So if we can't manage to warn someone behind us about a pothole, than we are miserable human beings who don't deserve the beautiful planet that we have.

Ask.fm. The final part of this conversation Trilogy :)

Cool. thanks again for the lengthy and thoughtful replies. I'd like to talk more in person (we see each and speak occasionally downtown) but I'm awkward and all that lame jazz. maybe some day hopefully some day I can become more like what I see in you that I don't see in myself

please don't glorify me trust me (and the people i've dated! lol) I am as flawed as individuals get. But I'm trying. I think thats the important thing. if we all want to move forward then there is nothing stopping us :) take care! see you around

Ask.fm: Another Rant. Get comfy.

I appreciate the response. I'll definitely mull it over and try and let it sink in. It was actually your post titled "you probably think this is about you", which while I didn't think that, is totally a tendency in thinking for me. Also would like to point out that no I'm not an internet creeper :)

haha I didn't think that, but with a boyfriend in a band who plays for obsessive teen girls its always an issue/concern/thorn in our sides, sadly. 
I actually went back and read that post again. It's a little sad how much of it is me trying to defend my own flaws, both past and present :/ But the message I wanted people to get was that you deserve fulfillment and happiness. and the best way to get that is being a good person, and working hard to achieve it on your own. it will mean more to you that way. 
I had a moment a couple of years ago. where I was thinking about where I wanted to be. and being sad about not getting that far ahead then I realized, that I was the one not taking any steps to move forward. I was the one refusing to grow up. the situation I was in, was not one that would give me the things I wanted. The job I had, the people I had in my life, the relationship I was choosing to be in,* and the habits I had they were all the things holding me back. 
So I realized that I had to grow up a little. I'm struggling with the idea of getting older. Mostly because I'm struggling with the thought that I'm not where I felt I should be in life. I didn't have as much figured out as I wanted to. So I did something about it. I worked on getting a job I could advance in and make good money to be comfortable. The first one didn't work out, but that's life. So I found another job with the opportunities I was looking for and went about getting it. This was a lot of work and took over 6 months and a provincial certification.. but it was the first steps to getting the life I wanted. So I didn't see an option not to.

*this was years ago when I thought people changed, or that you could fix them. If you think this now, you're wasting your time. Please take my advice and cut your losses. Other people's damages are not your obligation to repair/live with.

Anyway I guess what I'm saying is that, more than anything else that rant was about Me. and all the foolish mistakes (hence the name 'Hundred Thousand Mistakes') that kept me from being happy. I guess my hope was that someone would recognize that in themselves and make some changes to be happier.

Thank you so much for your contribution. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my blog, and share your thoughts! thanks again!

Ask:fm (bit of a rant. grab some coffee)

I really like how you express yourself and that you live the values that you write about. However I also find it intimidating. I often find myself intimidated by people of strong value, and find myself asking questions like "am I the type of person that they consider awful'. What advice do you have for somebody who is insecure in such a way and feels they are never "good enough" for someone like you?


First of all, please let me say thank you for such kind words. It seems that you put a lot of pressure on yourself, and it makes me sad to read that, because I believe that every person has value. It's just a matter of their ability to see it. It's pretty clear to me that you have trouble seeing it a lot of the time.
Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves, and be happy. The first thing that I did was assess how I treated people. I paid attention to people's reactions to me, things I did that were confrontational, or self serving. Nobody intends to do it. But we all do, so we all need to check ourselves (as gangsters with street cred such as myself, often say) and make sure that we aren't being a self centered jackass who only things about what they want.....sry that got away from me there.. See. I'm just as bitter and bitchy as anyone else from time to time. We're all just humans.

You don't have to be intimidated by anybody, because everyone is equal. really, you only view them as better, because you don't value yourself properly. I, personally don't consider anyone to be awful, unless they have done something to me, or someone close to me, to warrant my thinking so. I will never ever go out of my way to say anything rude to anyone. In fact, If i don't like someone, I probably just don't speak to them. Because I don't want anything to do with them. If you're someone that I think is awful, than your probably someone who was in my life, but is no longer. so don't sweat it. I promise I don't think about anyone who has had any negative impact on myself or my loved ones. You sound as though you're someone who is still around my extended circle (or being an internet creep. but I hope not) though, so please feel free to message me and talk anytime

Ask.fm: What's the worst thing someone can do on a first date?

There are three huge things for me.

1. Be respectful to anyone working during your date. A server, or bartender. Don't be a jerk, or do jerk things.

2. talk about himself qll night. If I want to know, I'll ask about me. If your not asking about me, I assume it's because you don't care, and i lose interest quickly.

3. Manners. MANNERS MANNERS MANNERS. Hold doors open. say please and thank you. do not curse or use rude language that could offend me. Not because I believe I'm entitled to special treatment but because I believe the way one interacts with their trusted friends is not how one should behave when making a first impression. And if your smart enough to do so why take a lazy, classless route. If someone respects themselves, they'll probably respect you.