I could very well, become an adult, soon.

So yesterday I learned what it was to be in a situation where you "Can't Even".
This was always an odd thing to me. I never understood why an inability to articulate the language you should know, "off by heart", as they say, became a thing to encourage.
But yesterday, I had such a day, that I am sure that I could not find the words to articular my frustration properly, and so I couldn't even...
Now, as unnerving as THAT was
This evening, I experienced what I understand to be "fangirling" when I tweeted something positive to Sarah Blackwood, in support of her current upset with United Airlines. Not particularly known for their caliber of customer satisfaction. way less stoked for my trip to New York this summer. But I digress.
I send a positive message with a silly video. I am such a fan of this girl. I used to love The Creepshow, a Toronto band, when she was their vocalist. I fell away from their music but I became such a giant fan of her projects and her as a person, and a women role model for people to look up to. Walk Off The Earth have some of my favorite videos on the whole internet. Their music is creative, and honest and so full of innovation that I'm considering leaving Newfoundland just to see them perform live somewhere in Canada soon.
Granted the picture of three baby goats, wearing sweaters and making precious sounds, did the majority of the work, She favorited my tweets. She retweeted my tweets. I shreked like a 4 year old, with a set of car keys dangling above my heads. Attention! from someone I admire!! Just bliss.
Is it possible that I'm slowly starting to understand how to relax and behave like a normal human being...? I'm not sure how I feel about this to be honest...

Kid Rant

I'm so bloody sick and tired of people using the word Bully. I hate it. It's a scapegoat to hide behind, and a poor excuse to escape taking ownership of a lack of parenting.
I think that everything is just to easy now. I was bullied as a child. Like most people. It's a natural part of life to meet with aggression at some points and to learn how to deal with it. Kids will be kids. It's up to parents to be parents.
If your kid is being bullied on the internet, then she needs to not be on the internet. You can't control everyone that your child comes in contact. and you can let them run off on their own to fall on their face all the time. Reason would say that at some point you have to stop letting "your" iPad occupy your children, while the internet raises them and you watch dancing with the stars.
There were on computers when I was born. At some point in grade school we got one, and later on moved onto having the internet and limited internet time. the key word there LIMITED I was allowed to be on the computer for 1 hour.
There is no point in lying, I found some bad stuff on the internet. Natural curiosity is going to cause anyone to go looking for something thought to be taboo, for any number of reasons.  But I was raised actively by two parents who spent time with me. They taught me right from wrong, so when I saw an ad that was bad, seemed like a virus or was just plain lewd, I simply viewed it as a waste of time. vulgarity was always something my mother repulsed. to this day she does not swear and scolds my 27 year old self every time I curse in her presence. I suppose in a lot of ways I had it easy. There was no internet to isolate me. and when there was, my parents had a problem with it.
It bothers me to see parents handing off their cellphone or tablet and letting the child stare, poking a touchscreen the entire time they are in a restaurant.  It is not a tool to allow parents to act as though they didn't choose to become parents. It's a full-time job being a parent. It takes a lot of work. If you want a night off (as I'll be the first to say, any parent is entitled to) get a sitter and enjoy a night alone.  If you want to have family dinner leave all the electronics at home and spend a couple of hours with your kids.  Please don't let the internet raise your kids. It will make them stupid and obese and disappointments to you, and everyone else.
It's a task that I know, myself, I am not up to. I'm not cut out to be a parent at all, and I believe that if more people took that notion more seriously, and assessed if they were or were not able to raise a child properly, and took the proper intelligent, well known, correct methods to protect themselves, we wouldn't have such an over populated social service system, to be so underfunded. We can't increase budgets with money that we do not have. We have to decrease need to lighten the load on everything.

Bookmark Added.

I just came upon what I think is a fascinating discovery. In very broad terms, this is what happens in every single fight I've ever had with the opposite sex.

I'm pissed off. and even though I'm an intelligent human being who is fully aware that I'm being insecure and am probably blatantly wrong, I don't want the blame right away.
At the moment, that I am mad, I want to feel like it is not my fault. and that everyone sucks except me. It doesn't matter what the issue is. Shut up, I know that was a yield sign. I already feel stupid. I know my friend will be my friend again in an hour. Right now it will make me feel better to hear someone else confirming that She's wrong and I'm right.

I think I realized that we don't need you to fix it. You want to fix it because in your boy brain, that seems to be the best thing to do. As far as instincts go, I personally think it's endearing to want to save or or fix something. But, in reality, when you do try to fix it, it makes us feel like we can't do it ourselves and some of us don't like that, so we get defensive, but you can't figure out why because you're just trying to help.
In our own languages, we both know whats wrong, we just have different ways of helping each other.

Now if only I understood men, this whole puzzle will be a little easier...

Chris Rock know's what I'm talking about

Ask Me Anything!

If you have anything that you would like to read about, or any questions. something to personal to ask someone close to you, or something about me that you want to know more about. If you've shared a similar experience or learned a lesson the hard way, share with me. Ask me anything on Ask.fm. The little box is right there on your left. Remain anonymous or make an account and join in the conversation. I set up the account to help people. Negativity never gets a reaction, but the only stupid questions are the ones you never ask. Sometimes a little bit of time (and age) teaches you a lot that you can share to help someone else. So speak up. Help yourself or someone else. I can't fix our passive, crumbling society all by myself :p

Talking bout my generation

The generation just a few years ahead of mine was pushed into professional careers. They were inspired to excel and learn and become doctors, lawyers, and teachers. Because that is what our society needed at that time. Nurses and Therapists, professionals the rest of us could rely on and They met that need and then some. I have good friends in all of these professions that I'm so proud of and value greatly when I need their advice or services.
My generation is somehow caught in the middle of an economic shift.
When we were in junior/highschool we were told that you weren't going to get anywhere in life without a university degree. The world needed professionals, but nobody was taking into consideration how many they were producing. So we all skipped off to university getting our BAs and planning to be teachers and lawyers.

4 years later the same people that guided us toward university changed their tune. Now those same voices were saying
"why did you waste that time? you need a trade if your going to make anything of yourself. Here...Have ANOTHER loan from the government. We won't give you enough to live on, but we'll pay for the tuition and allow you to live a stress filled life where ends rarely meet and you'll get to lie awake at night worrying about your bills."

So while you're in trade school, you still have to work your shitty low level job to pay your bills. because your not 18 years old anymore and you don't live with your parents, and you don't get to start over. Our lot was to make the best of a bad situation, fall further into debt and have our credit ruined by promises and plans that were never meant to work out for us.

We're a generation lost in the middle. People younger than me, came out of high school, went right into the trades and make loot. We're the experimental generation. coming up through school my class was always the one who tested the "pilot programs"
Few of them were a success, most fell on their faces, leaving us no further ahead than we were before. I feel that being the test subject generation leaves us at a disadvantage in life. At least lab rats are still, at the end of the day, taken care of by the guessing idiots who test on them.

Ask.fm BOOK!

Can you recommend anything to read?

Yes!!! reading plays is getting to be a big hobby again. despite how much I hate it when I was in Theatre school. All the major plays by Anton Chekov, Like The Seagull, The Cherry Orchard, and Uncle Vanya are fantastic. I also have a serious guilty pleasure in the Dan Brown books. Angels and Demons, The Da Vinci Code, Digital Fortress, and Deception Point. Seven Plays by Same Shepard, as well as anything by Eugene O'neill. I also own all of these among tons more books if you life in my area/know me and want to borrow one

This is the one that starts a war

We all went to school with a girl we felt sorry for. A girl who was much too friendly with guys, and thought it was am empowering thing to enjoy confrontational drama with other girls. The girl who relished in being "The Bitch", and didn't care that being promiscuous caused everyone to talk about her negatively.  as long as they were talking about her at all.
It was always a little sad to me that this girl felt she had nothing more valuable to offer.  Dressing in a provocative way, and trying to act the way you think adults act, is the most obvious and childish thing that a young person can do, and it's so obvious because it is in no way, how actual adults behave. it's the way that teens in love with the glamour image of adulthood, THINK adults behave.
Sex is not difficult. Anyone can do it. It doesn't take any education. It isn't something to be proud of. So when I see a girl behaving this way, I don't understand why she can't take pride in her brain, or an ability, or something that requires some effort to be good at.
Some girls have a passion for music, or art. They learn every word, and every song. A lot of them learn to play instruments and make their own music. I believe that any artistic ability is a gift that should be nurtured  Lots of girls Make beautiful art. A dear friend of mine is the most amazing designer. She makes clothing, does interior decorating, and takes stunning photos, of herself and everything else that inspires her. She's not someone who needs to behave negatively, or dress provocatively to get attention. The things in her life that allow her to express herself give her confidence, and security with herself. THAT is something worth bragging about. A healthy version of self worth that nobody else can affect. I can promise you, that when she is alone, she feels just as good about herself as when she's in a room full of people, because her happiness and self worth don't depend on other people. THAT is something hat I envy in a person. That's something that I haven't really figured out yet. Just like a lot of other people.
Soo girls, i have to say this. Stop trying to grow up. When I was younger, these "questionable women" were 16, and it was shocking how young that was. Now girls are trying to mature to the level of a grown woman, at 11 and 12 years old. I beg you to respect yourself. I'm nobody's mother. It's not my place to tell anyone what to do. But all I want is for you girls to realize your value. Find something in your life that you can feel proud of. Everyone deserves pride. We all need it, But don't lower yourself to such a devastating level. It doesn't do anything for you. Well that isn't true. A lot of girls will tell you that making bad decisions and not respecting yourself will make you feel like less of a person at the end of the day. I can't imagine willingly doing that to myself, and the people in my life that care for me. We're all flawed human beings. nobody is perfect, So we all have the task of keeping ourselves in check. Not being perfect is no excuse for not living the best life that you can. You're responsible for your own happiness. Taking responsibility for ourselves is one of the hardest things that we all have to do. But we do.

Ask.fm: Do you prefer Theatre or Cinema?

I actually had the perfect Cinematic idea this evening at a friend's house.
I grew up in theatre. It is a very very fulfilling thing for me to be a part of and it holds a very large piece of my heart. I thoroughly enjoy both. I'm a huge Shakespeare Fan, but I also love Star Wars and Really Bad Scary movies. They're my favorite :) Plus anything with a Zombie. I'm totally there!

Dirty Little Secrets

So I have a confession to make. I have to admit this is very difficult for me to share, but here goes. I love romance and gestures of affection. I don't like that I do. I'm relatively feeling-less otherwise. I often fear that on some level I'm a psychopath because I honestly have very little emotional attachment to 90% of the people around me. But when it comes to the people I do care about, I cannot do enough to show them how I feel.
 I talk to my family (mom, dad and brothers) at least 3 times a week. Unfortunately I live in a different city from all of them so It's really hard to see them more often than I do.
I also constantly try to go over and above to show boyfriends/partners what they mean to me. gifts, dates, cooking meals, back rubs, voicing my own feelings so they know what they mean to me.
Despite being mostly stone faced  I fall very hard for people. I can usually tell in the first couple of months, If I love someone, or if I'm wasting their/my time. I guess that is part of coldness that I can appreciate. I can cut ties and be over it, fairly quickly when it becomes apparent to me that, that is, in fact, the best option.
I cry a lot. like a lot. I think that it's because I keep all my feelings hidden from the general population. I don't trust most people. So because I only share my feelings/emotions with a few select people that I do trust, they all come flooding out and it's hard to control. Like flood gates I suppose. Or trying to close a fire door, to escape when like 15 Zombies are pushing on the other side and have their stupid zombie arms are all jammed in the slightly open door. stressful to say the least.
But there is nothing that makes me happier than gestures of affection. Physical contact, words spoken, cards and simple gifts that don't cost money. Something real that I can see.
I think maybe my trust issues go deeper than I realize.
Maybe I don't even trust myself, or I just can't trust believing. I have to see it, and hear it proven, to know its not going anywhere.  Which is kind of funny because I'm one of the few people I know in my age group that still hold a strong connection to my christian faith, and God. I just can't believe in people I suppose, but that shouldn't be very surprising for anyone. Humanity becomes less deserving of our faith and trust, every single day we're on the planet.
That was a bit of a rant. I had a very humbling meeting at my office today and it's causing me to reflect a lot. Now that the pity party is over, I will get back to work and stop feeling bad about myself.
Everyone needs to vent sometimes after all. If you ever need to vent, feel free to do it here. On your left. That little Ask.fm box?
<----right there!
you can tell me anything. Ask me any question you want or share any story that you think will help someone else. While I do stand by my statement that I don't have any feelings, I do have a great deal of concern for the moral fiber of our society these days, For teen girls, and everyone who has the unfortunate task of going against the grain and standing out. People who should be supported, and taught and loved. Not shunned for their individualism. Again, my personal baggage comes out here ha ha thank god growing up in a shithole with terrible people systematically killed all the feelings I had. What a mess I would be now. ha ha

Make Love and Cookies. Not War and Segregation.

<3 april

knock it off!

I have a problem with people who tell their kids or other kids that they have it easy. You have no idea what that child is going through. You're an adult, and they have to trust you.
By fantasizing a childhood full of hopscotch and chalk drawings in the middle of the street, you're telling that child that they are not strong enough. That what they have going on doesn't matter. You devalue them.  And when their self worth is decreased, the bar they set for themselves is lowered.
They aren't stupid.
Treat them like they are people. People that need your protection and support to grow up healthy and secure, and they just might surprise you. I'm not saying you should let them do what they want. Kids need boundaries and rules. But they need to feel good too. Violent Games and Adult television shows are not for kids. It's your job to protect them from those things. You're their parent, not their friend. Kids will be exposed to a million things that are far too mature for them to process or experience properly. Don't add to that pile of potential reasons your kid gets screwed up.

Family

The reason that I have 2 brothers is entirely too complicated. Well one just came from the regular way. that shouldn't be too difficult to get your head around. He's 3 years younger than I am and he's awesome. It has to be related to DNA or something.
It doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but my family are very warm, community oriented people. They don't value things, but people. and the value they add to your life, for having them there. If it isn't already obvious, I was raised by hardworking but idealistic hippies. I'm so grateful for that, you really have no idea.
When I was 10, New neighbors moved in next door. An adorable young couple, expecting their first baby in 7 or 8 months. (a fetus that would become one of the two loves of my life).
He made friends with my dad. Doing dad things, fishing, going to the cabin, and the like. I would go over and hang out with her. Help her with the baby. He was beautiful. right from the first moment everyone saw him.
She and my mom got along but were not really on the same level. She was a little younger than my mom. A passionate and lovely native Woman. My mother being a fearless, strong Newfoundland woman, I think she was just a little too emotional or dramatic for my mother to really relate to her. But they were both so sweet and lovely that they always remained friends.
So after years of this family friendship. The kids growing, New Years spent watching fireworks, Bbq's in the back yard. Funny memories made that are still shared today, my phone rings at 9 am. The young dad was suddenly faced with his time to leave this world. By that time, I had come to realize that the young boy who grew up in my back yard, relied on me for a lot of things. I found myself so proud of the young man he was growing into. Smart, and Careful. Quickly becoming an inspiration for a whole group of people, and giving them a voice. He was a member of my family and I had a hand in the values that he had, and how he viewed himself. So when people are who he is, this beautiful, tall native boy, standing next to pale kid me, I tell them he is my little brother. Sometimes I'll feature pieces by him. He's a fantastic, opinionated writer and he stirs the pot quite nicely. My family and friends are everything to me. If you disrespect them, we probably wont have much interaction. the most important people in that group are my brothers.

Deciding where to build your own ceiling

I realized recently that I want to build and design my own home. really really badly. In an earlier post I talked about wanting money and security and all of those things, and I think what really happened is that I grew up a little bit recently. I've gotten better at loving myself, and thus I decided on goals that will give me the level of comfort in my life that I deserve. At some point, that I simply cannot put my finger on, I matured, and wanted to be an adult. I stopped being scared that I was missing everything. I wanted the world for myself, and felt motivation to improve my life for nothing other than my own happiness. The hardest step you will ever have to take in any endeavor is the first one. Nothing will ever be more difficult than that. So at some point we all just have to (wo)man up and view the world (as well as ourselves), through the more life experienced adults we all become. There is no point in being upset about getting older. We all do. Want to stay looking young. Smoking and Stress are the two most common causes of aged skin. So relax. Respect everyone. Especially yourself. Be healthy and decide which path you want to be on, then just live and let live. It's the easiest way to stay young forever.

Also Ask me anything at HundredThousandMistakes and Like hindsight. on Facebook

Seriously.

So I made a horrifying discovery today.
I logged on to ask.fm to check my questions and share with some people.
I asked (anonymously) for everyone to share their best friend's best trait. and then to share the 3 things they were most proud of about themselves.
Not a single person had a single good thing to say about themselves.
Not a single thing they were proud of.
That is absolutely heartbreaking. Everyone, especially young people, NEED to have something to be proud of. We need to show the people in our lives that they are important, and that they have things going for them. I'm legitimately sad that nobody on ask.fm is proud of themselves. I truly believe that every single human being is beautiful in their own way. Everyone has something to offer that nobody else does. The only thing sadder than feeling as though you don't have anything, is seeing girls who feel that their body is the one thing that they DO have to offer.
I got a question that asked what I would like to change. I would like to change the way women view themselves. I would like to give them self respect and show them the beauty in everyone so nobody ever has to say "good qualities about myself? I dunno" that is the saddest response I've ever gotten. and I will never forget it. I am however determined to change it.

Papa Don't Preach

My dad and I are too much alike, to ever get along properly, like normal human beings. My dad is an old hippe. I'm a reborn hippie. So we always connect on things like music and (sure I'll say it) my deep affection for Mary Jane.
In a lot of ways we are kindred spirits, with the same hopes for the world. except everything he says (through no personal fault of his own), comes through a slightly homophobic, uneducated filter, that you can only really blame on his era in time. the way he grew up and the time he grew up in
but naturally, him being overly conservative and me being overly liberal and supportive of any and every alternative form of a happy lifestyle, causes us to butt heads a lot.
While he is a free thinking person, who believe in the power of love and music, he is very set in his ways. He is from a time when homophobia and racist jokes were not taboo. Born and raised in a community that profits on control and influence regularly, Social pressure is a vicious thing to answer too in a small community.
The things I realize these days is that I'm just like my dad. Insecure, threatened, and I believe, for my own part anyway, damaged by small town mentality, and plain ignorance, manipulating a fragile soul.
My hometown is a beautiful place that has the unfortunate luck of being run filled with very unhappy, insecure people. So threatened by everyone around them, and secretive of their lives. Nobody wants anyone to know anything about them, but that is not necessarily wrong because everyone is in each others business, in as judgmental of a way as they can possible manage. I get it. I do. It just seems so very sad. That is why people like we do the 18 years they were sentenced and get the fuck out of dodge at our earliest convenience It's a shame really. the potential that location could have were it to shed its ignorance and insecurity and attempt to move forward with the rest of humanity.

I'll be the rain, falling on your fire escape

Lately I've been observing the social pressures of growing up in St. John's. It's largely money related in Newfoundland, a lot of things are, but I expect the rest of the world is no different.

It seems to be that a portion of people put a great deal of importance on money. choosing to acquire a great deal of education or a trade and get a job with security,  benefits and all the values of being responsible for ones one success. I think that the majority of us realize in our late 20's (mid to late if we are lucky) that in order to live comfortably we want more money. So we work toward a goal more long term for ourselves. Something with some promise of good money, reasonable rewarding work, and a fair amount of time to be spent as one pleases.
Some of these people do physically demanding labour, and work very hard to secure the life they want for themselves and their families. But I will be shocked if you don't know half a dozen lazy, useless, burdens on society who are collecting foolish paychecks for doing nothing except driving a big truck and talking about money. It's not just people in the trades, This just happens to be a prime example that is prevalent in my own community and relatable to anyone local to me, reading this. But it doesn't matter the example. There are people driven by insecurity in all walks of life.  

It's basically the typical fate for your high school's alpha males, be it business, sales, physical demanding jobs. All the ways they can prove their masculinity over other males that they are intimidated by. We get it Napoleon. you're dick is huuuuge. We're all super impressed. While we should all strive to be better, being better than everyone will take up far too much of your time to be lucrative in the long run.

The truth of it is money will make your life better. More comfortable. It is not always the most important thing. It's not the only thing anyone needs, don't be stupid.

Everyone needs affection, and love and understanding. We all have the same basic needs for acceptance and pride. but security buys all of those things. and what do you think you need to buy security?

Another large portion of people seem to reject money. I don't know what money ever did to them. Maybe they had a shitty parent who cared more about money then them. that would be a shame. but still, place blame where blame should lie. Seriously. 

I used to know some people who called themselves Freegan, but were really a whiny spoiled child version of the actual principle*. Lets call this one...Starburns. Starburns. It's sort of funny. In his mind, I think he sees himself as more of a Vaughn kind of character. but he is most certainly Starburns.

All of any of this rant boils down to is money matters. Without it, people who reject money wouldn't have anything to identify with either. Getting a good job and being comfortable are ok to want. it's not a bad thing to care about money and want to do well. but if you care about it too much one way or the other it turns you into a total douche bag. So don't be a douchebag. 

Not so much...

 *If it really means that much to you, go live in the woods and farm and live off of the land like less idealistic, smarter versions* of yourselves do. Why do you think your entitled to sign up for cellphones and cable and credit cards, max out all the limits and burn that bridge? You're nothing but a burden on society. increasing further restrictions on the rest of us because you saw an opportunity to take advantage for personal gain.
How Freegan is that? Commit to the life you preach, otherwise your just giving it a bad name. If we're not the ideal society for you, build a bridge

then build a farm.
live on your side of the bridge, on your own farm, providing for yourself, and leave us alone.

Yeah that's more like it..

The Kid's Aren't Alright.

Why are less and less people enrolling in university and higher education?
People's goals don't seem to be engineers or teachers, or doctors anymore. that is too much work. Gone are the days of people wanting to make a difference in the world.
I believe that, we are headed into what I am choosing to call an Emotional Ice Age. People have changed. Our wide eyed optimism is little more than Mister Magoo Staring over his steering wheel.
Fewer and fewer people seem to want to propel humanity, curing cancer, or working in government to change things. I don't understand people. Their goals are to make money. as much and as quickly as possible. Peace out, Self Respect, Morals, Humility and Humanity are quickly discarded in an effort to put themselves first, inn some kind of stranger, martyrdom that I don't understand. It's as though they have been abused and finally decide to start living for themselves, and stop giving everything of themselves to others.
"I'm finally going to put myself first. I'm going to do me.".
Except there was nobody taking advantage in the beginning. Merely a false sense of entitlement, and a glorious absence of sophistication.
All the things once deemed to be taboo or shocking, or just plainly inappropriate are now shoved into our faces as a sort of challenge to morals and common decency 
I used to believe that challenging someone's perception of things was a good thing. But i suppose it's only a good thing when it's being used for a good reason.
I guess the biggest factor (in my opinion) was a generation that think they were a lot more significant than they were. seemingly justified to bite the hand that feeds them.
Poor Kurt Cobain, getting to live his dream, and the dream of millions, and still being able to sleep at night knowing you're only amounting to a reason for conflict, and a fraction of the difference that you COULD have made to mental health issues/conditions/patients. AND! And having the nerve to complain about it.
I will never feel bad for someone with that much power and comfort. Especially when it's being wasted. You're happiness is you're own responsibility 
After this comes the new generation
A generation of over coddling parents, telling their children that they are special, and important, and putting them on a pedestal  terrified their going to be another Cobain, until that's all they've created. Self Indulgent, whiny children who know nothing other than how amazingly entitled they are.

Stitches (Pt2)

Maybe it's only the people who mourn the loss and move on that are truly happy. After awhile it just gets harder to stay so sad and hurt. Especially when someone is working so hard to win you over again. Then again, sometimes, the person doesn't care to win you over again. So maybe I'm full of shit and this is all just a valuable lesson in Barking Up The Wrong Tree, or maybe it's a lesson in Flogging A Dead Horse...gross.
One of the few universal truth of relationships!
You can be in love with whomever you please, but don't assume anyone owes you anything for that if they do not reciprocate your feelings. It sucks. But it is, what it is. Stop dwelling on what you want to work. you'll never find where you're meant to be happy. I'm sure in high school you thought you were in love with a Pierce too, and on some level we were. We were as "in love" as our capacity for human emotion would allow. Maybe becoming more mature and growing up is about figuring out how to love, and who to spend your life with. Your heart should always be twice as full as you're wallet, after all. :)

Stitches (Pt.1)

Pierce.
He cheated on me with my friend after she had spent a couple weeks flirting with him behind my back. In later years, I learned that he had said some awful things about deflowering me. He never ever got the opportunity, just for the record. He did get the chance to do some gardening with my friend though. But that is a sad story, really. and I'm getting off topic...
My point is. I still think about that. I have a will to mistrust, and look for evidence now, and im realizing with my chatting with Annie, that event in my life was something that Was never ever confronted. Nobody ever apologized, or explained. The worst part of it all is 90% of my friends, just all starting hanging out with them. I was the only excluded from the whole thing. That is a feeling, that I, to this day would not wish on my worst enemy.
A feeling of being devalued, and humiliated. My hometown is a small place. one high school. everyone in town, in my age group, knew him. and by proxy, I suppose, they thought they knew me. I'm not trying to say they owe me anything. A few years back he messaged me on facebook and apologized for it all*. But scars are scars. lots of them leave a mark on you for a long time. A few never leave you, and you're forced to have them forever. Sometimes they are an accident. A lesson learned. Sometimes they are self inflicted.
I realized something that I had lost sight of. Today I was finally ready to let go of some things, and to be happy, and to trust. I think everyone goes through a mourning period
sometimes for a loved one who is no longer with us.
Some for the relationship that you want to work so badly but it just won't.
Some for the loss of trust, and security that comes from an infidelity, by a partner or friend.
I think that, the mourning period is different for everyone, and maybe even every situation. This is perhaps why relationships are so much work.

Formspring Question #5!

Q: Do you believe it to be acceptable for a woman to sleep around if shes happy with doing that and uses protection?

A.It is not anyone else's job to judge what is acceptable or not in someone's life. Judge Not Lest ye Be Judged. What is it that book says about Ignorance again?

I don't believe that any person who feels they have to justify their behavior to anyone else is very happy about it.

Random Find

Just stumbled upon this and thought i would share it :)