Less Time Online. More Time in Real Life.

I've been away from this for a little bit of time. I'd like to say that I missed it but I've hardly even noticed that I wasn't writing. I've been wondering why I started this, in the first place. What need it was meeting for me to bother to do it. I don't enjoy social media.

I really dislike Facebook, and keep Twitter for local news and support for local business and networking. I don't use any other social media. I don't use Instagram, SnapChat, Pintrest, or even Facebook Messenger. I'm sure there are far more social media outlets that are very popular, I just can't think of any off the top of my head. The Internet is now a very overwhelming place to exist.

So why do I need this pathetic little place to voice my opinions, where (between few and zero) people can read them and understand me? I'm still at a loss for why if anyone reads any of the things I say, despite views and exposure referenced in my "Blogger Insights", but it's protected risk taking. 

Like calling some guy out, from behind your large, violent friend, I may as well be shouting from inside a panic room, in space.

To argue on the internet seems to be such a tiny victory for one's self esteem, or shots taken at an already fragile ego. 

Many would have to agree that the ability to feel good about yourself, and confidently live your life on your own terms is important thing for everyone to have, however getting behind a computer screen, with a spell check, and the whole internet to make you look like an expert, we all get too brave.

A lot of people hold such specific and rigid views and ideals (NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!) that their emotions are tied very closely to things they care about. When things we care about are threatened, we all go into fight or flight mode.

The internet strips debate down to its BORING bare bones.

All you have are words and punctuation. 

Despite all the feelings you put into what you say, The thoughts and metaphors and carefully chosen words and language, internet lacks the ability to display voice, eye contact, gestures, tone of the voice, speaking the words your reading on a computer screen. It's just data. without all the tools of language, you may as well be reading and processing binary code.

What is even worse than our choices for a method of debate, is the fact that despite the intention of someone communicating all of that to us, we fail to read it as the person we are talking to. 

We read it in our own offended, sometimes too defensive voice. When we're arguing with another faceless humanoid, that we  have no emotional connection to, our responsibilities to think before we speak, and show have respect for one another are gone because this relationship is fleeting. its not a person you have any investment in, or something that is in our life. 

Arguing with the people in our lives is more difficult. what if they leave? What if you hurt their feelings, and cant take it back? what if you change this relationship, forever? we do a lot more thinking before we speak, when we care about the words we use.

If we all got off the internet and resumed living in real life, we would see the world a lot differently and our interactions with each other would be much more positive and productive. 

I feel like our society being so vain, and insecure has a lot to do with our new antisocial internet lifestyle. I can't decide which one I think is the metaphorical Chicken and which one is The Egg. 

I don't know why I continue to contribute to this blog and the lifestyle I'm criticizing. I do know, that I am in no way perfect. Aren't we all really just looking for other people to connect with? I don't believe that people want to fight. I believe people want to be understood. They want to be validated, and secure that their version of happiness isn't being threatened. To find others like us to share a version of happiness with. SO shouldn't we all get off the internet and take a more hands on approach to our happiness?

Kid Rant

I'm so bloody sick and tired of people using the word Bully. I hate it. It's a scapegoat to hide behind, and a poor excuse to escape taking ownership of a lack of parenting.
I think that everything is just to easy now. I was bullied as a child. Like most people. It's a natural part of life to meet with aggression at some points and to learn how to deal with it. Kids will be kids. It's up to parents to be parents.
If your kid is being bullied on the internet, then she needs to not be on the internet. You can't control everyone that your child comes in contact. and you can let them run off on their own to fall on their face all the time. Reason would say that at some point you have to stop letting "your" iPad occupy your children, while the internet raises them and you watch dancing with the stars.
There were on computers when I was born. At some point in grade school we got one, and later on moved onto having the internet and limited internet time. the key word there LIMITED I was allowed to be on the computer for 1 hour.
There is no point in lying, I found some bad stuff on the internet. Natural curiosity is going to cause anyone to go looking for something thought to be taboo, for any number of reasons.  But I was raised actively by two parents who spent time with me. They taught me right from wrong, so when I saw an ad that was bad, seemed like a virus or was just plain lewd, I simply viewed it as a waste of time. vulgarity was always something my mother repulsed. to this day she does not swear and scolds my 27 year old self every time I curse in her presence. I suppose in a lot of ways I had it easy. There was no internet to isolate me. and when there was, my parents had a problem with it.
It bothers me to see parents handing off their cellphone or tablet and letting the child stare, poking a touchscreen the entire time they are in a restaurant.  It is not a tool to allow parents to act as though they didn't choose to become parents. It's a full-time job being a parent. It takes a lot of work. If you want a night off (as I'll be the first to say, any parent is entitled to) get a sitter and enjoy a night alone.  If you want to have family dinner leave all the electronics at home and spend a couple of hours with your kids.  Please don't let the internet raise your kids. It will make them stupid and obese and disappointments to you, and everyone else.
It's a task that I know, myself, I am not up to. I'm not cut out to be a parent at all, and I believe that if more people took that notion more seriously, and assessed if they were or were not able to raise a child properly, and took the proper intelligent, well known, correct methods to protect themselves, we wouldn't have such an over populated social service system, to be so underfunded. We can't increase budgets with money that we do not have. We have to decrease need to lighten the load on everything.

Bully

This needs to be said.
1. Someone who is direct and honest is not a bully. Just grow up.
Someone who says something you do not want to hear, or does the right thing, even if it isn't in your best interest, is not a bully. Nobody has to say anything you want to hear at any time. You can't control what anyone else does in their life, so worry about living your life right. Not who is going to call you on it, if you chose to be an idiot or a jerk. If you are a jerk. Your actions, and words, and malicious behavior will have repercussions, but that isn't someone bullying you. that is someone not letting you bully them. Stop playing the victim. your not.
It's a naive, childish thing to call anyone who opposes you a bully. Most people will realize this when they reach actual adulthood, and stop being a child who just thinks they're all grown up (often doesn't happen until we reach our late 20's, early 30's, and sometimes it doesn't ever happen at all, sadly)
Maybe we all need to be a little more self-aware and take responsibility for our own selfish, delusional, attention starved actions before condemning the person who cares enough to put us in our place.

2. The world is mean. it isn't anyone's job to hold your hand, or make you happy, or be there for you or any of those things. If someone wants to be there, you should cherish them, not burden them with your baggage. It's your job to work out your issues and contribute to society like a normal healthy person so take responsibility for yourself.

3. Actual bullies are worthless. I recently came across a young man on Facebook. He only went to my high school in Grand Falls-Windsor for a short time and I don't even think he would remember me, while he was a friend, of a friend. This past week, this young man, was robbed and beaten within an inch of his life. A friend found him bleeding and luckily got him to medical professionals in time, actually saving his life.
The wounds sustained are horrifying. Troubled vision and movement. constant pain and so much blood loss  that he required a transfusion, upon arriving at the emergency room.
In our small city of St. John's, Newfoundland, I never thought anyone could be capable of such hatred and malicious violence.
The overkill inflicted by this beating shows a shocking amount of anger and aggression that I can't imagine feeling toward another living thing. The fact that a person with so many friends and now a facebook full of hope and kind words, could be the victim of such violence breaks my heart for our society.
Last week, in the United States, an Australian man was visiting his in-laws and was heartlessly gunned down, by 3 teenage boys. For no other reason than a remorseless and terrifying "we were bored"
Nobody should ever have to be concerned about physical violence. Only the slowest, most pathetic people, use violence as a tool, because its the only thing they understand.
They don't understand negotiating, or conversation, or anything that makes the world run properly. Lord knows they can't possibly understand taking the highroad or being the bigger person. I think that these people generally feel inadequate in some area. Maybe something going on at home, or in their relationship. A lot of bullies, are actually bullied. I can honestly say that I have never understood making someone else feel terrible, with the same actions that make you feel awful at the hand of someone else. It just doesn't make sense to me to do something that you know makes you feel like less of a person. I'm going to go out on a bit of a limb and say that they probably don't understand their own feelings. I learned while working with abused and troubled children (I worked directly in the field and received every certification available to me for 2 years) that the most important part of my job was helping people understand their own feelings and actions. Asking most children why they do anything will generally be met with
"...I don't know"

the kid isn't being a jerk. he doesn't know. he's not mature enough yet. he hasn't learned enough to understand feelings or emotional reactions. Whether it's a child in provincial care, or a grown man or woman, I'm confident in saying that they have no idea why they do the thoughtless, immature, and downright stupid things that they do.

It's such a shame that education has taken such a back burner in North America. You can almost watch our younger generations get dumber, fatter and less aware of the world every few months. Recently I watched a television judge state that he would much rather have work outsourced, out of the US, because other countries put more importance on education and qualifying their youth for proper job placement and that he trusts them to handle serious technical issues more so than his own country. Call him a bully if you want to. Say he hates America and condemn him on your precious social media. But he is not wrong.

The Authority On Everything

So I've been having a rough week. Working a lot in a very warm restaurant. I love the summer, especially in Newfoundland. If you've never been to St. John's, NL I strongly suggest you find a week to spend here. I'm so in love with where I live. All the culture and food and nature and history. It's an amazing place. The thing about depression though is how good or bad anything is going around you has absolutely no bearing on your mental health. You could have a seemingly perfect life and be completely unhappy with yourself, and the last thing anyone should ever do, is give their two cents on someone else's situation. 

Seriously.

I'm so sick of being told what is wrong with me, or what I need to do, or having my feelings downgraded by someone ignorant enough to assume its a competition and they have to win. I'm in serious danger of punching a know it all, mouth piece, directly in said mouth, the next time one tries to tell me all about what I'm going through. The worst part is these people are so oblivious to how ignorant they're being. they seem to feel perfectly justified in assuming they know anything about someone else.
My favorite part is when they are so obviously completely full of it. A friend of mine coined this kind of person as an "Authority on Everything" and I can't think of a better description. 

My favorite is when they tell a story and blatantly make up really specific details that no person would ever tell them. It's easy to pick up on habits and patterns like this, because this person is constantly telling foolish stories and anyone (not just people with OCD like myself) can pick up on the patterns.
It's funny how much someone's language and body language change when they are lying. To me this just says that even they know they are full of it, and they are so desperate to seem genuine that they try to add credibility. It's so painfully obvious. As a general rule, if you make shit up, most intelligent adults can tell and are probably mocking you for it behind your back, if not to your face. So knock it off.

That wasn't even the point of this post, but I had to vent. If you don't think you know anyone like this. You are probably one of these people, and you are irritating everyone who has to be around you. If you were secure enough with yourself and being who you are, you wouldn't be trying so hard to prove who you were to anyone else. So come to terms with the fact that you are not as smart as you think you are, because everyone around you already knows. trust me. Your constant correcting of people and complete lack of social graces are speaking for themselves every time you insist on overpowering every conversation anyone tries to have with you.
That really turned into me being a mean girl. I don't like that. But I know a couple people who I hope read this and realize. but they probably wont.

Social Calls

I can't decide if I'm behind in the times or if our society has yet to develop social expectations for new behavior. I was out with a number of friends a few nights ago. (8-10 people I would estimate) and I found it very difficult to carry out a conversation. Most people talking were limited to jokes and one liners about something on the television, or commenting on others statements. Nobody was asking anyone else questions, or making any effort to converse with each other. I'm awkward enough on my own, so I often rely on asking questions to get other people talking, while I obsess about what to say, without looking weird or silly. Social Anxiety is a real treat, let me tell you.

On this particular occasion, I noticed a great deal of something that I find to be very offensive. Everyone there was on their cellphone.
A couple people were actually taking part in the same conversation on Facebook with other people. and commenting to one another about THAT conversation, and not even talking to anyone who made an effort to be the in the same room as them.

Several people spent the entire gathering texting, to make plans with other people and actually left to go spend time with THAT person, and other people were checking Facebook, Twitter, or looking at photos. Things I do to occupy myself while bored in the doctors office or when commercials interrupt a favored television show.

Am I the only one who finds this unbelievably offensive? I would have been perfectly content to stay at home and play Skyrim all evening. It was a gathering for a Pay Per View UFC event, which I have little interest in, but I went to socialize with my friends which we rarely get to do anymore. I found myself feeling very hurt that most people there would rather be having conversations with other people who DIDN'T even make he effort to spend that time with them. I even volunteered to be the designated driver, even though I had beverages sitting in the fridge, from the night before, and drove two other people there.
I found myself sitting alone, watching a barbaric sport that I have little interest in, making comments and trying to be observant, and start a conversation, to no avail.
"the little guy really seems to have the technical advantage there"
nothing. Asking questions about sponsorship and what an MMA Fighter makes were also met with dead air more often than not.
I talked more with strangers that I wasn't even introduced to, and introduced myself. They at least asked questions and seemed to want to make small talk with me.. I would have thought that kind of appalling social etiquette would be considered taboo.
More often than not, I can look around a social group I thought I was a part of, to see everyone on their cellphones. For a long time everyone with an iPhone played games together on their phones, while sitting in the same room. I have a Blackberry and don't play games on my phone, ESPECIALLY when I'm in a room and attempting to spend time with other people. I cannot comprehend any way that this kind of thing is not thought to be rude, or disrespectful.
A friend told me that I should have left and gone to do something that was fun for me, although I know this would still have resulted in judgement upon ME, and a complete lack of consideration of their own behavior. I even went so far as to say
"Guys, there are people in this room, who made the effort to spend time with you"
multiple times, and was completely ignored. Is this just another aspect of our technological society for me to be bitter about, or poor manners?
I was told about a party where the host placed a basket by her front door for people to put their cellphones in when they enter her home. I know full well that anyone who walks into my house will ignore that, even though I would love to give it a try in the future.
I want as many opinions as possible on this. I need to understand it, even if it is me that needs to get over it and accept that this is how our society works now. What do you think?

Confessions of a Drama Queen

Moving is a fate I would not wish on my worst enemy. While I was studying theatre, I moved my entire life to a different town of this province more than 19 times, and one trip back and forth to England. Afterwards I went on to allow poor decisions made about Defunct relationships, to move me  into and out of 3 different houses in St. John's. and Today I had to do I again.
I hate it. It's such a huge endeavor that I can't start anywhere. It makes me sleepy and stressed out just to think about it. It's overwhelming. I spend so much time trying to help people*, but this is one of the few things that is still able to virtually paralyze me. I can't seem to get my head around it at all. Now THAT is adding to my moving stress. Stressing about why I get so stressed about moving. To paraphase one of my most loved television characters of all time. "For I am April. Lord of the Broken People"

*I choose to view life as a road, that we all travel down, at different speeds and times, and sometimes we hit a pothole and it fucked up our car and we learn a difficult lesson. So if we can't manage to warn someone behind us about a pothole, than we are miserable human beings who don't deserve the beautiful planet that we have.