Gossip Folk

I'd like to say that I will never understand people that need to gossip, and pass around negativity.
But I do.
Insecurity is a powerful thing. I can completely understand how someone in a position that they are not happy in, has to work so hard at cutting other people down, and doing awful things to them.
It's sad, and a little messed up.
Instead of bettering yourself, which takes actual work, and a lot of character, I do completely understand how someone with not a lot going for them, would pass on doing that work, and concentrate on bringing someone they're intimidated by, down to their level.
It's easier. and Lord knows The Worthless hate work, or taking responsibility for themselves.
Except it doesn't really work out.
When people continue to pass you by, while you stay in the same dead end space, trolling and hating, it's hard to see all the flaws in them, and not pick up on the flaws in the person with nothing going for them, continuously running their mouth, or looking for things to gossip about.
It's truly depressing that our generation has such little self worth. Maybe if they'd had a better life, or better parents, or more discipline, or even more importance put on education or character, they would chose the (obviously) more enlightened path.
Maybe they wouldn't act like worthless wastes of space, until that's all anyone thought of, at the mention of their name.
If your unhappy in your life, change it. It isn't anyone's problem but yours
If you've had a rough childhood, or someone was mean to you, get the fuck over yourself. your not special.
I would say that 95% of people have not had a perfect life. Your just like everyone else, except everyone else is smart enough, and strong enough to deal with their shit, and not let it dictate their lives. I occasionally go out to see a band I like, and it kills me, that you can walk into at least four different bars downtown, and all the same bar rats from 5 years ago are still there. I may go to a bar once or twice a month, and I see the same faces, except now they look much sadder, and weathered. Still telling me all about their new band, as if it's not exactly the same as their last shitty band that isn't going anywhere. Every. Single, Time, While most of us moved on, grew up, and got on with the progress of our lives, and I'm not talking about staff. or bar owners. clearly they would sustain a business.
I mean the people with nothing else to do, nowhere else to be, than sitting at a bar, or home on their computer, shooting shit and generally being a worthless hater.
People who watch their friends grow up, move on, find relationships, healthy routines and mature with their life, and just move on to the next slightly younger/dumber group of friends. Then they evolve past you, and you stay where you are, waiting for new people who don't know your tired, pathetic game yet.
I feel bad for these people. Clearly they are not living up to any kind of potential whatsoever, so their defensive. The thing they need to realize is, they don't have to defend themselves. Because nobody is even talking about them, People who only breed negativity, label themselves so the rest of society soon realizes they are counter productive, and forgets all about them. The only time these people get mentioned, is in the piteous tone, of understanding, and sadness that people like this exist.

The Worst Diet

I sometimes think about how thin I used to be.
When trying on clothes at the mall is discouraging, or the level of takeout in my diet is embarrassing, I immediately wish for the body that I had 6 years ago.

The body that I had when I had no money for groceries because I had accumulated so much debt, wasting money, drinking and being stupid, that the truly impressive amount of money I was making waiting tables and bartending, was eaten up by debt, bills, and the aforementioned stupidity.

The body that I had when I was in an abusive, unhealthy relationship. When I was up arguing all night long, and sleeping all day, and doing too much for an unhealthy person in denial about their issues.

The body I had, when I was isolated, and didn't have any friends. Nobody to invite me to dinner, or to go shopping with. Nobody to show me nerdy card/board/video games, and make me feel good about myself. When I was so pestered by people looking to troll and make my life miserable that I literally wanted to die, instead of go out to socialize ad give them any more ammunition

The body that I had, when I spent a lot time answering for my behavior. Explaining where I was, and trying desperately to prove that I wasn't "another dumb slutty girl, who lies to guys, and manipulates them".

I made very bad decisions because I didn't value myself. 

I took in the negative things people said to me, and about me, and I let that dictate my life. 

I was not strong enough to be smart, or even comfortable with being alone, therefore I was chronically depressed. .

But now I know I'm not stupid. Now there is no way someone could make me feel stupid.

In a moment of weakness, I always wish for the body I had six years ago, but I remember the life, medical health, and financial profile (or lack thereof) that came with it. 

I think this goes for everyone.

When things are not what you want them to be, I find it helpful to think of where you've been. How far you've come, and the progress you've made in your life. The contribution you make to the lives of others. Everything that would be missing without you right now.

When you look at the big picture, 5 pounds seems to be a silly thing to cry over, in your car.

Eat Healthy. Get Active. Get More Sleep. Love Yourself.

Baby

Everyone self medicates.
If you've had a bad day, and you grab your favorite greasy fast food.
I love a JBC meal from Wendy's with a Large full sugar root beer, with Chili Cheese Fries. There is something very satisfying about eating something extra delicious and extra bad for you.
Who hasn't come home from a particularly disheartening shift at work and rush to a joint, a tall, neat whiskey, or a large glass of red wine.
Tons of women, and men, act like bitchy little children, at some (admittedly humiliating) moment in their life. Almost everyone has drawn on the differences of another person, and made cruel fun of them, to compensate for their own insecurities and hang ups, at the expense of another person.
That's not even to mention all the cocaine and hardcore street drugs drifting around most communities these days.
I do have to say, I believe that hard drugs would be an exponentially smaller an issue if marijuana was legalized and our Canadian Criminal Code, and Justice Systems were reformed to reflect that of a working, productive society. Nevertheless, The situation is what it is.
People still smoke cigarettes. This used to absolutely confound me, although I know understand it for what it is. The only single loophole for which service staff  are able to walk away from a service job shift for 10 minutes and breath.
I now at least appreciate how people could smoke.
I was recently told that France has way more Smokers than The U.S, but on average the people there are much healthier. They attribute the difference to Diet. With rampant obesity on the rise, it's not news that food is a drug to a lot of us, and abused actively and aggressively.
My name is April. and I'm addicted to food.
Alcohol kills foolish amounts of people between impaired drivers and personal alcohol abuse.
Even worse than that is how many legally obtained Prescription Drugs are abused by either their intended, or an unintended user, every single day in Canada.
How many people standing at that Methadone Clinic, you look down your nose at, as you drive to work, are in line because at , they got they hurt, and saw a lazy doctor who was too willing to write a prescription to a hard working good person.
Everyone has pain that they are dealing with. or not dealing with.
This bears repeating.
Every single person has known pain.
If you were bullied, or had less than perfect parents. If you had a toxic, dishonest, self destructive relationship, that left you very insecure. If you struggle with Depression, Anxiety, Loss, Fear or Pain of any kind, it is very unfortunate that you went through that.
Getting through pain, is not an easy thing to do.
You, however, are not special.
Everyone goes through struggles, it's on you to work through it and get over it, or let it ruin your life.
Why does self destruction feel so good?
Why do we all do it.
Everyone gets to make the choices in their life, whether they are good choices that improve it, or bad choices that make their lives unnecessarily difficult.
Who could blame anyone for wanting a break from that to feel good about ourselves?
We all find ways to feel good. Especially when we don't.
So who, but the utterly arrogant, who would assume that it is their business to judge another person for the way they find, to feel good?
It's said that People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
I just Don't think you should ever under estimate the force of the wind you're throwing them into.

Aging Ungracefully.

My neck hurts. The closer I get to being 30, the easier it seems to be, to hurt myself, without even understanding how. I have no idea how I hurt my neck. I spent most of last night tossing and turning, trying to find a position that didn't send shooting pain, up into my brain, and down my back. As a result, I'm home, taking a sick day, to enjoy the headache and radiating pain, in the privacy of my own home.
Getting older is lame. When your a kid, all you want to do is be an adult. what's the appeal? You can eat cookies whenever you want to, stay up as late as you want, and buy alcohol. But nobody tells you that your metabolism kicks out around 25, and your body rejects being awake after 10:30pm, shortly after that.
So now your in your 30's. Enjoying a michelob ultra (watching those carbs now), at 9pm before starting a 45 minute skin care routine. You fall into your bed exhausted because now you wake up at 6:30 every day, like some barn yard animal.
Half your friends have trades, so they work on shifts. 5 days on, 5 days off, etc. You and more of your friends work a regular 9-5. Others are still in school, because none of us really know what we wanted to be when we grew up.
So you can't coordinate your schedules or any disposable income to socialize, or see each other. For a lot of us, the appeal of drinking is gone once you can do it freely and legally. If your a petite body type like myself, you may realize that your really bad at alcohol, and opt to not really drink all that often. So that avenue of socializing is out.
Even if you could get everyone on the same page, everyone is so tired and plagued by social anxieties and other mental health issues that nobody wants to leave their house anyway.
Don't misunderstand me. I hated being a teenager. High school was a nightmare, and I'm very satisfied living on my own terms, in my own lifestyle. But with friends you can't see, Money you can't spend and time you can't waste, it's a sad state of affairs that is only slightly better than living in your parent's basement.
When you consider having someone else do your laundry, cooking your meals, and do your grocery shopping, it's a small wonder that any of us ever left at all. How old is too old to move back in with your parents?

What Really Matters

When my grandfather passed away I had lived through my first semester of University. 3 hours away from where I had grown up as a very sheltered, admittedly ignorant of life experience or maturity.
He was a lot of different things. he'd lived a lot of different versions of himself. Before I was born he had a problem with alcohol. when my father was a child, alcoholism was legitimately a life choice, where I'm from.
After a long time of being very unhappy, and abusing himself with alcohol, he realized how unhappy he made my grand mother and their two children, he stopped all that. Turned over a new leaf and became an entirely different version of himself. A man that I grew up with, who made jokes, and liked cartoons. Who always had candy, and some time for being silly with a child.
When I was a teenage my grand father got cancer. Sadly, there is nothing unique in that sentence. Hundreds of people, lose their loved ones to Cancer every day. It is soul crushing, to continue on filling the space in your heart left by a human being, with a handful of memories. memory is truly bittersweet in that it is always telling us that we can never go backwards.
I an a very fortunate person. My grand father went through radiation treatments. He got very very sick, and then he got better. He came home. He drove me home every single time i went for a run, stopped into his home for a glass of water, and didn't want to run home. The day he left my hometown, to come to the city, for his treatments, My Grand father smoked his last cigarette. He said, "Well that's it", and threw half a pack, into the garbage can. To this day, my grand mother swears that he never touched one again
But in 2008, after my first semester away from home, separated from my family, figuring out what was important to me, my grand father got very sick. he was gone within 72 hours. A few years before, he had undergone a hernia operation. Complications had caused him to quietly, painlessly and quickly, slip away from us.
When my grand mother brought home his clothing from the hospital, she emptied his pockets. for some reason, I took the money left there. some change, nothing bigger than a quarter.
I brought it home and put it in a black silk bag.
I never understood what it meant to me. I often wondered if it meant I was a material person. Was I a bad person, because I couldn't find any significance in anything other than money and stuff?
Today I understand what it means to me. As I clean my house on a rainy Sunday, I find my little black silk bag, behind a photograph of my younger brother. My Grandfather, My dad and my brother all share a lot of common features. so it seemed appropriate to keep family together.
Today I know why I kept the money. Not for the value, but for the symbol. The most valuable thing my grandfather has given me, is humility, awareness, and a willingness to start over.
Both literally, and metaphorically, I kept the closest thing I possible could. I kept Change.

Motivate Me.

Things aren't going as well as I would have hoped.
I'm not yet in a position to advance aspects of my life to a point where I want them to be. It's getting very difficult to be positive, because I've been given a few extra obstacles in the last year. Things I can't control or stop from happening.
That's probably one of the most frustrating things you can possibly go through. To know something makes you unhappy and still have to watch it happen to you, and live through it, with no real way of recovering the loss.
Maybe that's just another reason I'm really messed up, but sometimes people are too insecure and ignorant to know any better. Sometimes people do rude things like point out mistakes or flaws in other people, to feel good about themselves. Sometimes, people are just so unable to cope with life like everyone else, that they become very self centered and don't know when they are neglecting to treat people around them the ways we all deserve. People who are so unhappy with themselves that it makes them insecure and incapable of being happy for another person. Everyone has had that one friend or roommate that was just impossible to be around sometimes. If they are having a bad day everyone around them is too. Even if your having a good day, these people will belittle you and make you feel low. It's not their fault. They can't accept your happiness as anything other than a personal insult. Their happiness is all about themselves, so you need to make sure you're not wasting your happiness on someone who is just not worth it.
Sometimes we get so invested in something (a job, a relationship, a hobby, or a project) that we're motivated to work harder toward our own goals that we forget other people don't want to hear all about us all day long.
We all have a point and time when someone should take us aside and tell us that the world does not revolve around us.
I believe that we've become a society of self reflection. We all spend so much time in our own heads going over and over conversations that happen. and things that might happen. and what we will say if someone does something to us. Probably more so than all those we spend hours in our own heads saying all the things we wished we had. We all wish we were confident, direct and secure. So maybe we should all stop worrying about everyone else's downfalls, and realize that we need to work on ourselves.

Where have all the ladies gone?

This started as a Facebook post but I'm still irritated so it's spilling into being a blog rant.

The things I see on Facebook, and Twitter, and all over the internet, posted publicly for the whole world, is often absolutely shocking to me. I've seen young women, in my local community and all over the world, posting lingerie photos, as a display picture. Having boudoir photos taken* and posting them as an album on Facebook.

Is your self esteem so closely tied to Facebook Likes, and People paying attention to you, that you'll settle for Negative attention and compromising your integrity for it?

Surely even the most slow witted human being can grasp that degrading yourself for attention it's not a healthy thing to do. Even more irritating is when I see these girls complaining about having crushes on guys, and how lonely they are, and how guys are all jerks to them.  If you act like trash, and don't respect yourself. he's going to treat you like all other trash. Use you once and dispose of you as such. 

Maybe if you set the standards, you maintain for yourself a little higher, valued yourself and focused on being a good person with dignity and class, great guys would pick up on all those strong character traits and you'd meet someone who valued the things that make you happy.

I once had a guy friend tell me that any girl that is DTF in the first week is a great time, but she's never meet his mother. Ladies if you want guys to put you on a pedistle, why don't you act like you belong on one. Any intelligent person will realize if you gave it up that easily for them, that it's not your first, second, or third time around the block, and that's not a good look on anyone.

Now this is the part where these broads post pictures of them giving the finger, and saying they don't care what anyone things of them. Well sadly girls that is the truth, you don't care what anyone thinks of you. as long as their thinking about you. and that is truely depressing.

We can all tell how desperate you are for attention and you're embarrassing yourself. Is the attention you're getting really from the kind of people you want to be giving it to you? If you valued yourself enough, you wouldn't need any validation from the whole internet. You're own self worth would be enough to make you happy.

Now, go on and tell me again how you don't care what anyone thinks of you. I love that one. Try to maintain some dignity for Jesus sake, "ladies", you're making us look like idiots. Use your fucking brains.

Speaking Greek

I've failed on the blog front pretty bad. Boyfriend is out of the province and I promised myself I would make use of the time alone to change some things that I want to. I've put a lot of time into work and its really paying off. I've been eating really well, and getting a mild amount of exercise and as a result, I am feeling pretty great too.
I guess I find it easier to writing, when I'm unhappy. Complaining comes more naturally to me I guess.
Not that, that makes me any different, I'm sure it's a general humanity kind of thing.
I'm thinking of trying to learn Greek with Rosetta Stone. I work in a Greek restaurant for Greek people. If that weren't enough of a reason to learn a new language, Boyfriend and I are planning a trip to Greece in the near future. Just seems like something that will make my life easier in the future.

What's in the Fridge?

So I've done pretty well with the Junk Food Detox. I'm all whole grained, and fruit filled and low cholesterol. I even found a caffeine-free diet Pepsi, that is surprisingly good. I skeptically referred to it as, "likely Club Soda poured into a glad that had previously held Pepsi"
I was very happy to be wrong. Pepsi is definitely one of the worst 3 things that I put into my body (in embarrassingly massive quantities) Usually I'm pretty good with eating really healthy, so it's mostly guiltless. But still, a bonus is a bonus.
My food habits were really the change I had the least amount of faith in. I've recently noticed that I've become a comfort eater. When I'm lonely or unhappy I've started to snack more than I like. I don't feel good about doing it. But in that moment, Food brings me some kind of comfort I guess. Something that I do actually have a lot of confidence in is cooking ability.  I'm not much of a baker but I'm a pretty awesome cook. Maybe I just associate food with that confidence and security, and feeling good about myself. I just have to be really smart about eating healthy food. I personally love Special K Everything! The Cereal, The Bars, I'll basically eat whatever The woman in the Red Dress tells me too, and if you haven't tried any of there stuff you should give it a shot.
A lot of healthy food is really tasty now. Even frozen dinners have lots of veggies and pretty tasty low calorie meals.
I have never been a picky eater. The only thing I don't enjoy often is Fish*
I've just always loved every vegetable, all fruit (except Mango due to some poor decisions involving alcohol in University), Always been eager to try every kind of food and style of cooking.
People give me crap for what I eat, no matter what I eat. If I order a burger, friends or coworkers have said that I'm lucky to be so skinny, and be able to eat it. If I order a salad the same (and different) people have said "Jesus, you're so tiny, Have a burger"
I fully understand this. People are self conscious about lots of things and project those feelings onto others constantly. I just realized a long time ago that I'm not lucky to be thin. I'm lucky to have a healthy lifestyle and diet, because that's the part that I can control. It seems that I don't really have much else to be proud of I guess. My body is the only thing I have control of, to improve, and make a difference to. so I may as well treat it like gold, right?

*except deep-fried and with fries, gravy and dressing. You can imagine how challenging it is to maintain a healthy diet that included "a feed of Newfoundland Fee & Chee"

The Questions keep coming :)

All anons this week! Keep the questions and shares coming! I love it!

how do you handle creative blocks? what do you recommend to someone who feels stifled in their creative endeavors but wishes to overcome these?

I think the first thing to decide is what is stifling you in the first place. What is it that you want to say, and why can't you just say it. Everyone needs an outlet for self expression and creativity, but it's up to you to find your means of expressing yourself, in a way that makes you happy without interfering with other people. I personally don't put pressure on myself to create at all. When something inspires me to write, I express what I have to say about the topic. If someone asks me a question I will respond in the best way that I know how. You cannot force creativity. it must come from an organic desire to express oneself. Find what inspires you and express it, as long as you're not interfering with, or abusing other people in the process. Nobody's happiness is worth the suffering of another person, your personal feelings are irrelevant

If you had to live the rest of your life in a movie which one would you pick?

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.

How do you deal with liars?

The funny thing about liars is often they are not smart enough to not get caught. So they get caught and have to lie in the bed they made for themselves

Some New Ask.FM questions!

Asked by Anon at Ask.fm/HundredThousand
Q: See my best friend complains all day and I didn't say anything about it for a couple of years and then today and I told her to stop complaining and be more positive and she got all mad and now she won't talk to me or hangout with me and ugh :(
You should explain to your friend that you never wanted to hurt her feelings. That's probably why you didn't say anything all along. It's difficult to say something when you know it will likely hurt someone. Especially when it's your best friend and her feelings mean a lot to you. I've learned that it's only someone who really cares about you that will tell you the truth, even when you don't want to hear it, and everyone needs to check their attitude from time to time. I'm sure you two will work it out. Just talk to her. She can't stay mad forever.

Ask.FM Traffic

Anon Question: "What advice would you give to guys who want to try and know a pretty lady intimately,mentally and physically, without coming off too aggressive, or too passive"

#HTM: First of all, Be Honest. Look at the situation objectively. Is this person in a relationship already? Do you think that they share your feelings? Do you really know them or are you just too excited about a little crush? Be mature and up front with her. She deserves to know your feelings but its not up to her to make you happy. Sometimes things work out better than you had hoped. But sometimes it doesn't work out at all the way you want, and all you can do is get over it and move on, in search of happiness for yourself.

Orange Leaves, and Hoodie Sleeves

I'm having a lot of trouble writing again. I suppose to don't really have that much to say. I've been working as much as possible and had a lovely, eventful Thanksgiving Weekend. (Canadian Thanksgiving, Obviously)

I've been working as much as possible and I'm finally seeing it pay off. I'm finally starting to get ahead, and the optimism it's given me is like being revived. For a long time I thought it was impossible to advance or get ahead. A lot of set backs had me very discouraged. But I'm getting there and it's a fantastic feeling. Making Headway. I'm starting to think that life is really all about the little things. I see retirement commercials telling me to spend my youth working all day every day so I can be rich when I'm 65 and falling apart. I don't see value in that. I think we should work hard some time and relax, play and enjoy our lives some time. I'd rather have a lifetime of memories when I'm 65. Not disposable income.
To be life is about all the stuff that happens in between. The Bar-B-Q's and Halloween parties and softball games and New Years. Life loses it's luster and excitement when you look at it like it's 75+ years. It's 39 000 000 Moments. The only determining factor is your own potential for happiness, and how you choose to remember all those moments.

This change on outlook has really helped me to keep things in prospective. This was a massive positive change that adds to my happiness and mental health.

Another exciting thing that has happened is that Friends of mine got engaged last weekend. and She asked me to be her maid of honor. I'm kind of a control freak, I really enjoy planning and organizing and designing and being very hands on in endeavors. This will be a challenge for me to not take over. But I'm very excited to do all the M.O.H. duties. I just don't really know what they are yet.

#indiebandproblems

I'm pretty sure that I've talked about this before (at least once) but it bears repeating. In my city there is an amazing music scene. it's diverse, and creative and there is literally something for just about everyone. I'm sure this is also the case with many more cities around the world. I find it very impressive. The thing that frustrates me about creativity is a lot of people think that it means they are entitled to praise, and special treatment and above all else, an audience.
So many Facebook posts, and tweets and passive aggressive comments circulate, all blaming the audience for not paying the money or giving the band their time and attention.

"You'll pay $20 at Starbucks, But you won't spend $5 on your local music scene. pretty cool..."

1. Yes. I will absolutely spend $20 at Starbucks because that is what I want. Delicious fancy coffee and baked goods interests me, and I like to treat my coworkers sometimes.
2. I will spend the $5 to see a band I like. Actually I will likely spend at least $50 every time I go out and support my local music scene. I go out, have some drinks, buy people drinks and tip the bartenders well, because I know our awesome time is their bullshit shift cause some bitch called in sick.

If something is happening and I want to see it, I will go out if i can afford to. Like most people I would think. I guarantee you, if people wanted to come to your shows, or see your band, or hear your music, they will. What would stop them? I don't know many people who have a problem spending money when/how they want to.

It's not fair to expect everyone in your life to be your biggest fan just because of what you choose to do. I enjoy the diversity that our music scene has to offer, but nobody ever plays music for themselves. You play for an audience. and if you don't interest anyone, you don't get an audience. that is nobodies fault but your own. You can force anyone on the planet to have a different set of interests. Your girlfriend/boyfriend/best friend/family doesn't have to love your music. It's your choice, not theres. Would you pay $5-$50 to go out and not enjoy yourself? Why do you expect other people should for you?
It's called popular music for a reason. If your music isn't getting anyones attention or any audience after so long. The problem isn't with The Scene. It's probably with whatever your doing. At the end of the day, the reality is you can love your music all you want. Make music for yourself and make it all about yourself. it's totally your call. But unless you're willing to pay cover to see yourself hundreds of times, consider it a hobby. You have no idea about any professional music career.

The Authority On Everything

So I've been having a rough week. Working a lot in a very warm restaurant. I love the summer, especially in Newfoundland. If you've never been to St. John's, NL I strongly suggest you find a week to spend here. I'm so in love with where I live. All the culture and food and nature and history. It's an amazing place. The thing about depression though is how good or bad anything is going around you has absolutely no bearing on your mental health. You could have a seemingly perfect life and be completely unhappy with yourself, and the last thing anyone should ever do, is give their two cents on someone else's situation. 

Seriously.

I'm so sick of being told what is wrong with me, or what I need to do, or having my feelings downgraded by someone ignorant enough to assume its a competition and they have to win. I'm in serious danger of punching a know it all, mouth piece, directly in said mouth, the next time one tries to tell me all about what I'm going through. The worst part is these people are so oblivious to how ignorant they're being. they seem to feel perfectly justified in assuming they know anything about someone else.
My favorite part is when they are so obviously completely full of it. A friend of mine coined this kind of person as an "Authority on Everything" and I can't think of a better description. 

My favorite is when they tell a story and blatantly make up really specific details that no person would ever tell them. It's easy to pick up on habits and patterns like this, because this person is constantly telling foolish stories and anyone (not just people with OCD like myself) can pick up on the patterns.
It's funny how much someone's language and body language change when they are lying. To me this just says that even they know they are full of it, and they are so desperate to seem genuine that they try to add credibility. It's so painfully obvious. As a general rule, if you make shit up, most intelligent adults can tell and are probably mocking you for it behind your back, if not to your face. So knock it off.

That wasn't even the point of this post, but I had to vent. If you don't think you know anyone like this. You are probably one of these people, and you are irritating everyone who has to be around you. If you were secure enough with yourself and being who you are, you wouldn't be trying so hard to prove who you were to anyone else. So come to terms with the fact that you are not as smart as you think you are, because everyone around you already knows. trust me. Your constant correcting of people and complete lack of social graces are speaking for themselves every time you insist on overpowering every conversation anyone tries to have with you.
That really turned into me being a mean girl. I don't like that. But I know a couple people who I hope read this and realize. but they probably wont.

just words. pick your favorites and express yourself.

I read somewhere that love is giving another human being the ability to completely crush you and destroy your heart. and trusting them not to. I know a lot of people struggle with saying the words. and I think it's because love means something different to everyone.
We're all such amazingly unique human beings. Nobody feels exactly the same way about their significant other as everyone else. we all appreciate and value different things, and therefore see different values in love.
It's a natural (train of) thought to expect your version of love from someone else. We all know how we express ourselves and show love. So we look for those same actions and expressions from the people we're expressing our love for.
Completely natural, but hopelessly impossible. Expectations that you have of how someone should express their feelings for you is impractical. It's only going to cause hurt feelings, tension, resentment, and communication problems which unravel a perfectly amazing relationship.
The "honeymoon" phase doesn't end independently when it feels like it. we kill it. When we try to make someone define how they feel about us, it can only be in their own words and actions. If someone is treating you by standards that you've outlined for them, you'll never trust that it's true or real.
When someone expresses THEMSELVES, in their own way, to show you what you mean to them it means more to you then any Disney movie or Sex and the City season can outrageously glamorize

I never talk about my relationship. But it's too good of an example to not use.
I love bad movies. mostly if they involve dinosaurs, or mega sharks. Mutant animals returning to Battle Mega Shark, such as Crocosaurus or Giant Octopus. Over the top, low budget, Animal Attack movies. I f**king love them. nothing on film or T.V. brings me so much hilarious enjoyment.

Yesterday boyfriend PVR'd Sharknado for me. and was super excited to show me. I know full well that this action does not say "love" to 90% of you, but just the thought is amazing. He was scrolling through channels and saw something that I would really enjoy. I was at work and wouldn't be home for hours so he made sure I didn't miss it. Knowing someone else has that kind of concern for the simple things that make you happy, and wanting so badly for you to have everything in the world.

That means more to me than any foolish Disney Prince or lavish vacation with Mr Big. Those things aren't real. What's real is having someone in your life who wants to be there and be happy with you, and even when you're completely insane (comes with the territory of owning ovaries) you argue and have really shitty times. but you get through it and you're happy again. THAT is Love to me. and it makes me happy. So what else can you ask for?

Well I don't really have any friends. That would be nice too if I got to have two things that would make me happy.

Social Calls

I can't decide if I'm behind in the times or if our society has yet to develop social expectations for new behavior. I was out with a number of friends a few nights ago. (8-10 people I would estimate) and I found it very difficult to carry out a conversation. Most people talking were limited to jokes and one liners about something on the television, or commenting on others statements. Nobody was asking anyone else questions, or making any effort to converse with each other. I'm awkward enough on my own, so I often rely on asking questions to get other people talking, while I obsess about what to say, without looking weird or silly. Social Anxiety is a real treat, let me tell you.

On this particular occasion, I noticed a great deal of something that I find to be very offensive. Everyone there was on their cellphone.
A couple people were actually taking part in the same conversation on Facebook with other people. and commenting to one another about THAT conversation, and not even talking to anyone who made an effort to be the in the same room as them.

Several people spent the entire gathering texting, to make plans with other people and actually left to go spend time with THAT person, and other people were checking Facebook, Twitter, or looking at photos. Things I do to occupy myself while bored in the doctors office or when commercials interrupt a favored television show.

Am I the only one who finds this unbelievably offensive? I would have been perfectly content to stay at home and play Skyrim all evening. It was a gathering for a Pay Per View UFC event, which I have little interest in, but I went to socialize with my friends which we rarely get to do anymore. I found myself feeling very hurt that most people there would rather be having conversations with other people who DIDN'T even make he effort to spend that time with them. I even volunteered to be the designated driver, even though I had beverages sitting in the fridge, from the night before, and drove two other people there.
I found myself sitting alone, watching a barbaric sport that I have little interest in, making comments and trying to be observant, and start a conversation, to no avail.
"the little guy really seems to have the technical advantage there"
nothing. Asking questions about sponsorship and what an MMA Fighter makes were also met with dead air more often than not.
I talked more with strangers that I wasn't even introduced to, and introduced myself. They at least asked questions and seemed to want to make small talk with me.. I would have thought that kind of appalling social etiquette would be considered taboo.
More often than not, I can look around a social group I thought I was a part of, to see everyone on their cellphones. For a long time everyone with an iPhone played games together on their phones, while sitting in the same room. I have a Blackberry and don't play games on my phone, ESPECIALLY when I'm in a room and attempting to spend time with other people. I cannot comprehend any way that this kind of thing is not thought to be rude, or disrespectful.
A friend told me that I should have left and gone to do something that was fun for me, although I know this would still have resulted in judgement upon ME, and a complete lack of consideration of their own behavior. I even went so far as to say
"Guys, there are people in this room, who made the effort to spend time with you"
multiple times, and was completely ignored. Is this just another aspect of our technological society for me to be bitter about, or poor manners?
I was told about a party where the host placed a basket by her front door for people to put their cellphones in when they enter her home. I know full well that anyone who walks into my house will ignore that, even though I would love to give it a try in the future.
I want as many opinions as possible on this. I need to understand it, even if it is me that needs to get over it and accept that this is how our society works now. What do you think?

Naturally Katie

So I had a conversation with my good friend Naturally Katie recently that developed a few good points. I'm going to be posting more conversations like this with other writers about a variety of topics so give me suggestions of topics you want to see discussed, or if your a writer with an option you want to share!

Like and Share with your friends!

My conversation with Naturally Katie begins as a good friend, checking in on me, on a day that was trying the last of my patience.

NK: It sounds like they gave absolutely no signs that they were going to let you go. I can't believe it.

A: they didn't. I was at a total loss. and she emailed me to tell me. So passive and confusing.

NK: You should have at least been given a phone call. It’s basic respect. When I worked at [company], I thought I was doing great. I worked there for two years, then suddenly I was completely off the schedule; didn't even bother to tell me. People can be so rude. It’s common courtesy to speak to someone face to face.

A: people are just so passive, I think. I don't know if you've noticed in the last few months I've developed quite a large list of things I hate about our society and what its turning into...to send an email. or not put you on a schedule. really? You cant have a direct, grown up conversation. You don't have the backbone or mental coherence for that, and you made it to manage or own something. bain of the retail industry. Pathetic, power starved, middle management with god complexes.

NK: Every job has their fair share of people with an awful attitude. You can’t get away from them.

A: yes their a necessary evil but why are we letting them advance. It's just embarrassing, we should be advancing past them but if you have integrity and intelligence you still get passed over for someone else's relative or friend. it's not fair, the things that idiots are allowed to accomplish....see. that's the hate on coming out again. Sorry, I'm over it haha

NK: Absolutely. But it’s their way with people that lets them get to the top. They know how to get what they want and will use any method possible to advance.

A: Yeah, fake bullshit and passive aggressive behavior is the best way to advance in our society. it's that just the most depressing thing. Like when I sold insurance. they were passive aggressive bullies. They started telling me that the best angle was to go in there. make them feel like shit for not having insurance and burdening their children/families.
they bully people and guilt them and make them feel bad, then tell them they NEED insurance. I thought being a good person was the way to advance. but they wanted me to be like them

NS: I would hate if someone came into my home and did something like that. You should be able to sell without guilting people into it. Our society is all about how to make more money, and fast. It's sickening.

A: its so true! every lame industry has its own reality show....Canadian Pickers. I'm sorry. you're professional yard salers....Your doing something stupid and menial, to avoid getting a real job that takes work. Storage wars?! are you kidding me?! You're buying garbage! worse than that, they're overpaying for a garbage bidding war?
Remember when it was embarrassing for your mom to go to a yard sale? I used to be so embarrassed as a kid because my mom would go to them EVERY Saturday and I was so embarrassed to be seen there with her.

NK:I know! I hated going to yard sales as a child. They make particular jobs seem more glamorous by showing it on television. It's not a job. It's not improving or benefiting society in any way. People should be doing something positive with their time and energy besides just shopping for second hand shit. Shopping doesn't count as a career!

A: but why would anyone in their right mind put 10 years into a medical career, when they can take their top off on the Internet and make that money in a year?
it's pathetic. I think it all comes down to a lack of self respect. Maybe we were better off when everyone thought they were entitled to be snobby and better than everyone. At least we all set the bar higher

NK: It's less time consuming to earn money the easy way. If I wanted to strip, I am sure I would be making more money than at my current job. It's the same with many (not all) people on the welfare system. [Note: Some people make use of the welfare system that need it, due to disabilities and other commitments. I do not blame those people who do require assistance.] They get money for sitting around in their pajamas all day! They have their kids raised for them.
I like to think what keeps me trying this hard is self respect. I want a respectable job. When introduced to people I don't want to say that I have some demeaning job.
It's how I was raised. I feel like maybe children aren't raised the same anymore. Education seems underrated, especially since you can make just as much money without an education.


A: I feel the same way! I have pride in getting up in the morning and going to a job. and having bad days and all that stuff. If nobody had bad days, then nobody would have good ones either really. I believe that as a society we're all so scared of being hurt that we never bother to try. We take the easy road because we see no value in the road less traveled. That's so depressing to me. It's like we're losing our integrity our society sees no value in self respect or integrity. they're so willing to trade it for superficial things like money and fame (which really is just attention) we're such an insecure, attention starved generation.

NK: Sure, I'd love to be swimming in money. I think anyone would. But we sometimes have to choose between something that we find meaningful and something that will give a big fat paycheck. Personally, I’m dying to spend a year working in Africa once my education is finished. Chances are I will make very little to no money, but it's a sacrifice I want to make. I feel as though I'm one of few people these days who cares more about people than the money I'll make.

A: when you think about every other generation, you think about wars, or advances in human rights, and milestones that they saw in their time. and thinking about our generation is going to be downright embarrassing 50 years from now. Our grandparents were charged with sharing their stories because they were proud of the lives they lived. We're not going to have anything to irritate our grand children with.
What do we have to show for our generation? The hottest topic in the news lately is celebrity train wrecks. When did we become so focused on what other people do?

NK: Because we live in a generation that wants things now. Why do you think we have so much takeout and microwave dinners? We don't like waiting.

A: I guess it's just easier to live vicariously through those who have the things we want, instead of working for them ourselves. Envying their life just makes you feel shitty about your own. making you more insecure, and more likely to value yourself lower. when you don't value yourself you don't feel that you deserve any better. We should all want the best for our selves. why settle unless you didn't think you deserved the best

For more Naturally Katie check out her blog! naturallykatie.wordpress.com