The Worst Diet

I sometimes think about how thin I used to be.
When trying on clothes at the mall is discouraging, or the level of takeout in my diet is embarrassing, I immediately wish for the body that I had 6 years ago.

The body that I had when I had no money for groceries because I had accumulated so much debt, wasting money, drinking and being stupid, that the truly impressive amount of money I was making waiting tables and bartending, was eaten up by debt, bills, and the aforementioned stupidity.

The body that I had when I was in an abusive, unhealthy relationship. When I was up arguing all night long, and sleeping all day, and doing too much for an unhealthy person in denial about their issues.

The body I had, when I was isolated, and didn't have any friends. Nobody to invite me to dinner, or to go shopping with. Nobody to show me nerdy card/board/video games, and make me feel good about myself. When I was so pestered by people looking to troll and make my life miserable that I literally wanted to die, instead of go out to socialize ad give them any more ammunition

The body that I had, when I spent a lot time answering for my behavior. Explaining where I was, and trying desperately to prove that I wasn't "another dumb slutty girl, who lies to guys, and manipulates them".

I made very bad decisions because I didn't value myself. 

I took in the negative things people said to me, and about me, and I let that dictate my life. 

I was not strong enough to be smart, or even comfortable with being alone, therefore I was chronically depressed. .

But now I know I'm not stupid. Now there is no way someone could make me feel stupid.

In a moment of weakness, I always wish for the body I had six years ago, but I remember the life, medical health, and financial profile (or lack thereof) that came with it. 

I think this goes for everyone.

When things are not what you want them to be, I find it helpful to think of where you've been. How far you've come, and the progress you've made in your life. The contribution you make to the lives of others. Everything that would be missing without you right now.

When you look at the big picture, 5 pounds seems to be a silly thing to cry over, in your car.

Eat Healthy. Get Active. Get More Sleep. Love Yourself.

Baby

Everyone self medicates.
If you've had a bad day, and you grab your favorite greasy fast food.
I love a JBC meal from Wendy's with a Large full sugar root beer, with Chili Cheese Fries. There is something very satisfying about eating something extra delicious and extra bad for you.
Who hasn't come home from a particularly disheartening shift at work and rush to a joint, a tall, neat whiskey, or a large glass of red wine.
Tons of women, and men, act like bitchy little children, at some (admittedly humiliating) moment in their life. Almost everyone has drawn on the differences of another person, and made cruel fun of them, to compensate for their own insecurities and hang ups, at the expense of another person.
That's not even to mention all the cocaine and hardcore street drugs drifting around most communities these days.
I do have to say, I believe that hard drugs would be an exponentially smaller an issue if marijuana was legalized and our Canadian Criminal Code, and Justice Systems were reformed to reflect that of a working, productive society. Nevertheless, The situation is what it is.
People still smoke cigarettes. This used to absolutely confound me, although I know understand it for what it is. The only single loophole for which service staff  are able to walk away from a service job shift for 10 minutes and breath.
I now at least appreciate how people could smoke.
I was recently told that France has way more Smokers than The U.S, but on average the people there are much healthier. They attribute the difference to Diet. With rampant obesity on the rise, it's not news that food is a drug to a lot of us, and abused actively and aggressively.
My name is April. and I'm addicted to food.
Alcohol kills foolish amounts of people between impaired drivers and personal alcohol abuse.
Even worse than that is how many legally obtained Prescription Drugs are abused by either their intended, or an unintended user, every single day in Canada.
How many people standing at that Methadone Clinic, you look down your nose at, as you drive to work, are in line because at , they got they hurt, and saw a lazy doctor who was too willing to write a prescription to a hard working good person.
Everyone has pain that they are dealing with. or not dealing with.
This bears repeating.
Every single person has known pain.
If you were bullied, or had less than perfect parents. If you had a toxic, dishonest, self destructive relationship, that left you very insecure. If you struggle with Depression, Anxiety, Loss, Fear or Pain of any kind, it is very unfortunate that you went through that.
Getting through pain, is not an easy thing to do.
You, however, are not special.
Everyone goes through struggles, it's on you to work through it and get over it, or let it ruin your life.
Why does self destruction feel so good?
Why do we all do it.
Everyone gets to make the choices in their life, whether they are good choices that improve it, or bad choices that make their lives unnecessarily difficult.
Who could blame anyone for wanting a break from that to feel good about ourselves?
We all find ways to feel good. Especially when we don't.
So who, but the utterly arrogant, who would assume that it is their business to judge another person for the way they find, to feel good?
It's said that People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
I just Don't think you should ever under estimate the force of the wind you're throwing them into.

The Questions keep coming :)

All anons this week! Keep the questions and shares coming! I love it!

how do you handle creative blocks? what do you recommend to someone who feels stifled in their creative endeavors but wishes to overcome these?

I think the first thing to decide is what is stifling you in the first place. What is it that you want to say, and why can't you just say it. Everyone needs an outlet for self expression and creativity, but it's up to you to find your means of expressing yourself, in a way that makes you happy without interfering with other people. I personally don't put pressure on myself to create at all. When something inspires me to write, I express what I have to say about the topic. If someone asks me a question I will respond in the best way that I know how. You cannot force creativity. it must come from an organic desire to express oneself. Find what inspires you and express it, as long as you're not interfering with, or abusing other people in the process. Nobody's happiness is worth the suffering of another person, your personal feelings are irrelevant

If you had to live the rest of your life in a movie which one would you pick?

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.

How do you deal with liars?

The funny thing about liars is often they are not smart enough to not get caught. So they get caught and have to lie in the bed they made for themselves

TV Fans Rejoice!

I think it's really awesome that TV is starting to get good again.
Lots of indie sitcoms and some are really bad but some are really good. Television has some amazing writers and actors right now. Shows like Modern Family, Raising Hope (don't knock it till you give it an honest watch) and Arrested Development are some very very funny sitcoms. I also want to say that I Love Corner Gas. sadly already cancelled. But worth a watch, so If your looking for something to watch check it out. I'm a big fan of TV. More specifically the sitcom, and it's been a really long time since there was another Seinfeld or Cheers.

Breaking Bad
Dexter
Game of Thrones
The Walking Dead

all amazing writing and production values. Some of the best writing I think I've ever seen on TV. If your a big television fan, the extra cable packages are absolutely worth the extra money.
I will confess, however,
I've never understood the value of High Definition programming, until I watched my first afternoon baseball game, at my boyfriend's house, a couple of years ago. I have since, realized the immense value of a pimped entertainment room, and aspire to improve my own quite soon.