The Worst Diet

I sometimes think about how thin I used to be.
When trying on clothes at the mall is discouraging, or the level of takeout in my diet is embarrassing, I immediately wish for the body that I had 6 years ago.

The body that I had when I had no money for groceries because I had accumulated so much debt, wasting money, drinking and being stupid, that the truly impressive amount of money I was making waiting tables and bartending, was eaten up by debt, bills, and the aforementioned stupidity.

The body that I had when I was in an abusive, unhealthy relationship. When I was up arguing all night long, and sleeping all day, and doing too much for an unhealthy person in denial about their issues.

The body I had, when I was isolated, and didn't have any friends. Nobody to invite me to dinner, or to go shopping with. Nobody to show me nerdy card/board/video games, and make me feel good about myself. When I was so pestered by people looking to troll and make my life miserable that I literally wanted to die, instead of go out to socialize ad give them any more ammunition

The body that I had, when I spent a lot time answering for my behavior. Explaining where I was, and trying desperately to prove that I wasn't "another dumb slutty girl, who lies to guys, and manipulates them".

I made very bad decisions because I didn't value myself. 

I took in the negative things people said to me, and about me, and I let that dictate my life. 

I was not strong enough to be smart, or even comfortable with being alone, therefore I was chronically depressed. .

But now I know I'm not stupid. Now there is no way someone could make me feel stupid.

In a moment of weakness, I always wish for the body I had six years ago, but I remember the life, medical health, and financial profile (or lack thereof) that came with it. 

I think this goes for everyone.

When things are not what you want them to be, I find it helpful to think of where you've been. How far you've come, and the progress you've made in your life. The contribution you make to the lives of others. Everything that would be missing without you right now.

When you look at the big picture, 5 pounds seems to be a silly thing to cry over, in your car.

Eat Healthy. Get Active. Get More Sleep. Love Yourself.