Let me stand next to your fire.

I've realized that I have a very difficult time relaxing and being myself. I often take on characteristics of people I spend time with, without even realizing it. I think that I feel more at ease when im doing something that I already know is appropriate or funny, or whatever.  Even people I'm comfortable with being around, I'm never as relaxed as when I am alone
Two years ago I met a man I'm going to call Abed. The first and only person I've ever been comfortable with, right from day one. He held my hand and I was just happy. He smiled at me and I couldn't help but laugh and smile back. 
I've developed a belief that happiness is being happy and relaxed entirely on my own.  Then, Naturally, Love is being as comfortable with another human being as you are when you are completely alone.

I used to completely buy into the whole romance thing. 
I used to believe that the right guy would just sweep me off my feet and It would be perfect. 


Nothing in this World is Perfect. 

Least of all, Love. Love is confusing, and means different things to different people. So it's hard to connect with other people. I blame Disney. and Barbie. and everyone who spent our whole childhood telling us what we wanted. Building up stories about princes and romance and roses and shower sex. Shower Sex seems difficult, despite movies making it look really good. I'm skeptical at best.